Hi Sunflyer - Agreed. Unfortunately, we're looking for logic where it may not exist. Feelings a driving the bus, fears, negative sentiments override, and lots of other unhelpful factors. As a few posters say, one of the best strategies is to try to minimize our presence and detach so that hopefully the person 1) sees that the problems exist when we're not there and 2) starts to miss the love and support we'd been there to provide in the past. The visual of pouring gas on a house fire is spot on.
One of the hardest things for me is that throughout this whole process, W has never showed one bit of emotion, remorse, etc. That's not to say that she hasn't in private, but she has been completely stoic for months. That's really bizarre for her, because she's constantly driven by her feelings, emotions, drama, etc.
I still have a very hard time discussing any of this with our son. But she is so 'matter of fact' telling him about which apartments she's looked at, how everyone's going to be 'so happy', etc. It really makes me sick.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
