H EW possibly DBing and I’m losing the battle

[KangaB]

DnJ… I’ve been spurred on by what you said. First, I have never challenged my FIL and have always thought of him as being a bit of bully. It was scary to say what I said because he yelled at me, but I’m glad I did. My father is a gentle man, but he is a man’s man and it was good to say what I did to him as well.

The reminders to GAL. I’ve read your replies in the past too. It is essentially the same message. You all say it with patience without letting the ball drop. Gentle and consistent pressure.

Sometimes I want to run from DB because it’s hard. I have to walk through this and I’m willing. It’s scary and sad and I don’t like change to begin with.

I read all of it, I need it… as I’ve said I don’t want to go back to the way it was. I have to be so strong because H is so professional in his controlling and gaslighting ways. One false move such as a phone call at the wrong time, he will know that he has me back to where he wants me.

I don’t want that anymore. When I was mowing today, I realise too that a lot of the pain is in the in between letting go absolutely and hanging on still. It’s woeful.

I do appreciate your replies.

One day at a time… 5 mins at a time sometimes. My afternoon was miserable, but I got through it.

I want to get to the point where, I no longer worry about the contact… I know I can’t skip parts to this.

Kanga