H EW possibly DBing and I’m losing the battle

[DnJ]

Good Morning Kanga

I told H that and that I don’t want a divorce. He told me he doesn’t want one neither, but of course I don’t believe him. He has told the pastor this and my father and told them both that he loves me and wants to grow old with me. Yet, he still maintains that he hasn’t done anything wrong, has no feelings for XW and is talking about the kids only. I say BS… as he has been hiding the contact and pursuing her and neglecting our M and picking fights. I just can’t go back to the way things were, and I know he is trying to pull me back into it because it feels good for him. It is so hard to think clearly and not get caught up in the gaslighting. H has almost had me convinced I’m overreacting. Both my father and FIL have said I have to trust. What BS… I fought back and said no, H has to be trustworthy and put them in their place.

Well done!

Gaslighting is devilishly tricky and wicked. An insidious tacit to make someone doubt their own thoughts, feelings, and values. Very well done standing up to it.

This is so hard. H has been telling me he loves me, but no remorse. He then gets mean and sends nasty texts. I have to say this time, there haven’t been as many nasty texts. H rings me and expects to engage in conversation like nothing has happened, even though I have told him I don’t want to talk to him. I have also told him, I don’t want to talk about our R.

H has quite a bit of work to do on himself. You are wisely looking to his actions and not his words - says he loves you, yet no expression of remorse. Attempts to act like nothing has happened. Stick to your path.

But what to do now?

I just don’t know where to go from here and how to do the contact or what to do with the lack of it. How to keep the door open a little bit, but not too much that he thinks he can get it all back his way again.

Where do I go from here with communication so I’m not offending but protecting myself. And what do I do about MC?

Answers will come in time. The good thing, you don’t need answer any of this today. Honest. You don’t. Let it go for right now. (((Hug)))

Consider your boundaries. You’ve identified disrespectful behaviour and conversations from H. You know when that is. Implement a boundary - for you. Not to fix H, rather to maintain your mental and emotional health.

Boundaries are not offensive. They are a pre-planned thought out response to disrespectful and/or hurtful behaviour. You are responding to H’s behaviours. You are not seeking out some manner of retribution.

Focus on you. GAL. Live. Do not fret about the lack of communication. Stick to your guns and path, for you deserve to be treated well.

You keep the door open by living your best version of you. A lighthouse shines because they are. Kanga, find your strong deep foundations, shine because you are wonderful person, and live.

I know it currently hurts. A lot! Yet, you have fortitude and strength. You’ve not toppled. You still stand strong is life’s storms. That is a lighthouse.

Today, I cleaned up the house and folded the washing. It is slightly getting better each day. I wake with dread when I realise what has happened. Firmly out of the fog and I can’t go back. I know that after reading 100’s of postings that I can only go forward.

Keep at it. Keep moving forward, one day at a time.

I honestly want him to snap out of it and have an epiphany. Am I wrong in any way? I’ve tried so hard since July not to react to him and be the best version of myself. Why didn’t it work? Why did he show so much neglect for our M?

You didn’t break H, therefore you cannot fix him.

The future is thankfully unknown and unwritten. Let it unfold.

Keep focusing on you, and living your best life.

D