The anger has subsided for the last several days. The techniques I've learned for how to identify the triggers, and how to handle it when it comes, has really helped.
My friends continue to be an incredible foundation of support, for me and my kids. Before we had S1, for a couple of years we hosted weekly Tuesday night dinners for friends. I'm going to revive that starting next week.
Nothing majorly new with W. Still mostly talking about S1, although she did send a few non-S1 texts over the last few days while she was out of town for her grandmother's funeral. I'm guessing maybe she was lonely without her friends, emotional about grandma, or a combination of the two. I did a better job over the weekend of not just hiding from my feelings. Went for a nice long solo hike on Saturday with no music. Trying to practice mindfulness and feel the feelings. I do really miss W. But I really miss the W from pre-August-2022, when she started changing. Not sure if that W will ever come back.
I've been in several group social settings lately and decided to flirt when the opportunity arises. I've gotten 3 phone numbers in the last 2 weeks. I don't plan on calling any of them, but it does feel good to make a girl laugh and to just know I'm going to be fine if/when the time comes. Plus it's just been fun.
The grief support class is still going strong. 2 weeks ago, we took the week off due to more than 1/2 of the class having conflicts. We were back this past Thursday. I believe we have 3 sessions left. We are down to a core of 5 people, and the conversations are now intense and very personal. We shared a relationship history graph (the major positive and negative events in the history of your R with someone). You didn't have to pick the person that led you to the class. I picked my dad as it was a little complicated and formative for me. All of my positives were the events he took me to (football, drag racing, attending my baseball games, etc). All of the negatives were when he was drunk and acting erratic.
Seeing it on a chart really shows me why I didn't drink until I was 30. I've never been drunk around my kids, and even still, D11 has been voicing to me she doesn't want me to ever get drunk. I don't know where that thought is coming from yet. I don't know if it's because of me, xW or somewhere completely different (movies, TV etc). I get her back today and plan to have a conversation with her this week.
I hope everyone is doing well. I'll be catching up on the other threads later today.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
