Not a whole lot going on in my situation at the moment. I’m still getting out and about, doing things with friends on weekends, still being a mum. Kids still have no idea H is leaving overseas, he keeps saying he will tell them and then pulls out last minute or finds an excuse. It’s been almost 6 weeks of excuses really. Currently waiting for his “ work visa” to come through.
I must have the worlds weirdest and strangest separation. Since BD the only thing H has actually done was move out. Hasn’t followed through with lawyers, procrastinates on anything and everything, every decision, refuses all help, pushing friends and even family away and still wants to very much be a “friend” and be a part of our lives. Literally treats me as a friend, asks about my day, tells me about his, brings me coffee 😂😂 Nothings happened with lawyers other than his one phone call, nothings happened with his supposed transfer overseas( although I am guessing it’s happening seeing as they backfilled his position and he’s essentially jobless). He still lives in a dark miserable tiny studio, hardly opened the blinds so it’s constantly dark and gloomy and still in sweats. The only thing is he occasionally goes to the gym The drinking and gaming is still happening on a large scale although he hides it from me. Has made a comment a few weeks ago about needing to stop because he felt himself sliding and getting hungover on weekdays, only to then a few days later drink some premix drinks that usually only 18 year old females touch ( which he would never touch) that my friend left behind after my bday. I don’t know why he bothers to keep telling me his drinking woes. I keep telling him he fired me 😂
Well at least I am not around to get blamed anymore 🥲. It’s nice not being the punching bag. He has apologised to me twice in the space of two weeks now about his treatment of me over the last two years and gotten himself really teary as he did, then immediately shut down and the wall came out. Also told me how much he appreciates everything I do. Bit strange really hearing all of that considering it’s the polar opposite of the verbal diahhrea I heard for months.
I just accepted the apology. Felt nothing because I feel like it meant nothing. There’s still a darkness over him I can see it in his eyes. He’s still a complete mess. I am really working hard on locking down any emotions any more around him.And to be honest I don’t buy any of those comments or apologies. He’s still consumed by MLC monster so they don’t seem geniune. He keeps saying how unhappy he was in the past. I don’t think much has changed for him to be honest.
Anyway so as weird as my situation is, I am just cruising along. I was thinking I could just force his hand make him sign lawyer stuff make him tell kids make him pack up his stuff and get it out of here. But I don’t want to make his life easier. And to be honest i am still moving forward. So my doing nothing is sort of doing something as DnJ always says. I still have moments of sadness, tears. Seems to be not as often though.
I’ve started a run club with some of the work crew and we run at lunch now for half an hour two days a week. It’s so much fun to inspire others and keep eachother motivated. I always catch up with friends on weekends and even if they are last minute. I’ve subtly changed my hairstyle( which H actually noticed and complimented) and honestly just moving forward as best as I can. In a way I am looking forward to H leaving only so he can face his reality. He keeps making comments about he hopes the kids will be ok and understand this is a good work opportunity for him. The man is actually delusional 😂what 12 and 14 year old is going to give their parent the tick of approval to run away. Nothing surprises me anymore. I am convinced H has the brain and maturity of a gnat that’s for sure. The drinking does upset me more For his own health and safety now. It’s really gotten a grip on him and he can’t stop. I know it’s not my problem but I still care. I always get told I am far too kind. Safe to say I feel good almost every day.BD anniversary is coming up in December. As I said nothing has happened other than H has moved out. At least I feel I have come a long way this year
M:41 H:48 T:20. M:16.5 BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023
