Antidepressant Crisis?

[Sunflyer]

Here's the shocker for me though:
I've been severely lacking in passion and excitement in the bedroom department for years.

My nature is toward being "aggressive" sexually in that I would've loved for us to "do it" different times of the day, and have tried to gently get something started out of our norm, or try different positions or toys in bed or whatever. However she has always shut down my every attempt to be "adventurous" the point of her maybe allowing an “adventure” once a week as a "favor" if I'm lucky.

I love to "make love" and actually engage in foreplay with her but she hasn't allowed either of those for as long as I can remember. She just wants me to jump right in so we can both be "serviced" and be done with it.

Yet she cites my "lack of sexual adventure" as the main reason she's done with me. When I mentioned I've been trying to jump-start our sex life for years, she said she resisted my attempts BECAUSE she's not attracted to me. So it feels like a "Catch-22".

Hmmmmm. Perhaps she is rewriting history.

Did she express this years-long disappointment with her sex life to you before? Or did she indicate that sex was good and is now essentially saying that she wasn't being honest?

I relate to some of what you said. My wife never expressed disappointment in the quality of our sex life over the years (although the frequency declined). Always said I was a good lover. She is probably more sexually conservative than I am, but nothing either of us enjoys could be considered remotely bizarre or fringe. On each occasion, I always asked her what she would like me to do for her, knowing that I would have no objection to any of it. Sometimes I would try to surprise her with something we hadn't done in a long time, but she would typically rebuff that. Now she has another man, and I can't imagine that she is asking him to swing her from the ceiling or something offbeat--or maybe she is.

Thus, your wife's statement that your sex life "lacks adventure" coupled with the lack of attraction she expresses suggests that the problem may not be that you aren't adventurous, but that you are her husband of many years. And she thinks it would be more exciting to be adventurous with someone else rather than you.

So perhaps what you need to focus on is becoming someone she would like to be adventurous with.