Yes, often friends and family do not understand what’s going on. They don’t see or live with it. And the MLCer wears a mask.
When the MLCer is out and about, they often hide themselves. Put on a mask and hide their inner pain and torment. And most of all, hide it from their self. The running behaviours keeping their attention upon anything other than that of their inner demons. Yet at night, when they lay in bed and running slows, those demons come forth and play.
It takes a lot of energy to maintain such a facade. A person in crisis is driven to their behaviour, driven beyond reason. They will expend incredible energies maintaining their fantasy, for they have to, they need to.
I do understand and empathize with not wanting a divorce. That is in H’s hands. It only takes one to divorce.
God has granted us fee will. Each and every person has agency to choose. God does not interfere with that. He does influence our hearts. Provides lessons, and trials, and opportunities to grow. One can still exercise their agency and fight against such though. The MLCer turns their back on plenty as they run.
The LBS usually turns towards the high power. Seeks betterment. God, fate, the universe, whomever or whatever they believe in and have faith in. There is power in prayer. And I do believe God answers all prayers. Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes the answer is no. His Will will be done. He has far reaching wisdom and knows the best course. We ask, speak our desires, and find the faith to accept His will and wisdom.
Twenty five years ago my Dad got an infection which constricted the blood flow to his spine, killing part of it at the fifth vertebrae. I desperately prayed for God to heal my Dad’s paralysis. He didn’t. My father was confined to a wheelchair and bed.
Months later, the daily help my Dad has to perform bodily functions discovered a cancer inside him. “Walking around” Dad likely would’ve never found this until too late. If Dad was waking, he’d not be here today. My prayers were answered. And for a much better outcome than I’d could foresee.
The same for my prayers for my marriage. I have strong relationships with my kids, my parents, and my friends. I have peace and contentment. I’m a better person.
My XW’s decision and life’s course change was horribly destructive. So much collateral damage experienced by me, kids, family, and friends. Within the wreckage of one’s situations exists a golden opportunity. An opportunity most people struggle to find. It’s a rare thing, and at first an unwanted thing. Embrace it fully. Grow and heal and become.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
