Not even sure where to start

[dleague]

Good Morning DnJ

Your W is experiencing emotional turmoil. Something is hurting inside her, and there is a displayed desire for freedom from it. Unfortunately that desire to be free of pain, gets misinterpreted and misapplied against the marriage instead of looking to their internal pain.

A crisis is less wanting to be single and free of responsibilities, and more they need to be. A crisis person is driven to their behaviour. They run.

Totally understand this and feel this is what's happening. Something is hurting her and she feels the need to be free in a sense. I feel like she has created walls here from the years of pain and is pushing things out of her life and focusing on herself and her child.

36 is young for a MLC. Not unheard of, just young. There is a quarter life crisis which can occur. It is similar though somewhat less consuming. Often the QLC individual exits or moves from their crisis without figuring things out. Again, reburying their trauma(s). And things buried alive will haunt later.

If this is a crisis, W needs lots of time and space. Not some, lots! MLC is measured in years. I pray W is not along that path. Time will tell.

Yea agree that is it young but feel like maybe something is off with her medically. Her diagnosis of her disease was rare and usually in older people is what doctors have told her. That has been said to her a few times with different medical issues that pop up. She has joked that she only has 10 years left to live anyways. I'm sure somewhere inside that joke though is pain of dealing with everything and confusion on why. So I'm not sure if it's something medical or emotional or both at this point.

friendswith benefits: You didn’t have an open marriage before, do not have one now. Be the prize. You are the prize. Do not sully or partake in such. Marital problems never get better by bringing/allowing/ignoring another person into the mix.

Would W, or XW, remain exclusive? As in, she’s not see someone else too? You certainly don’t need some disease.

And my goodness if you brought another child into the world in the midst of all this strife.

Def something I have thought about. I actually have considered getting fixed myself. I don't want any more kids. She is actually fixed from when she has her son she had medical issues then and had to have surgery and she could never have kids again since then. We have both discussed and recognized the diseases out there and kind of the reason we discussed only sleeping with each other. I understand it's a trust and respect thing for us to be honest with the other on this. Agreed and feel like we didn't have an open marriage or even something we wanted to consider before. I feel like I am a prize in many ways. Maybe not to her necessarily (although many friends of mine and hers have both said she is going to miss the relationship). I feel like I have good things to offer. If not to her then maybe one day to someone else.

Yea I feel like the grief, depression and everything has gotten better. I know it's all still new and probably won't hit me harder until she moves out (she moved to the basement last week). She plans on moving out once we get an accepted offer on the house. But has been packing her stuff and taking it to work. It's harder for sure when she is here because I think about her and want to talk to her and be around her. Partially to show her my changes (although I know she will seem them in her own time) but also because she was/is an integral part of my life. We get along great still. Still tease each other.

Interesting enough, last night I was helping her pack somewhat. Just talking with her about life and things and not trying to talk about the R. She still tells me her plans and where she is going for the most part. Which I'm thankful for because it makes me feel like she isn't angry with me but more of something she feels like she needs to do. Well we were hanging out and got talking about our sex together somehow. Just kind of both teasing each other while talking. No touching more sex talk than anything. Lil bit later she said that she wanted to go to this burger spot and if I wouldn't get confused then she wanted me to take her. I of course obliged since I wanted to be around her and figured I would take any chance I could get of that right now and maybe any conversation that comes with it. So we talked on the way there. It was a drive in place so we sat in the car talking as well. We like to play this game called 20 questions. Open to whatever the person wants to ask. One of the questions she asked me was if we were to have sex one last time what would that look like. So I kind of went into details and she was into it of course. Well when we got home last night we were hanging out in the basement still talking when she got out of the shower. Of course we proceeded with touching and eventually some great sex again (probably maybe shouldn't have since I still have attachment and I feel she does as well). Well afterwards she said that was our last time. Whoa mind blown! I don't believe it will be though. Maybe it should be. But feel like we will have that between us. I feel like just backing off and letting her have her space. Let her find her way and if I'm here later then I am and if not then I'm better off for myself.