So kind of my daily mindset. But looking for some advice here. I feel like W is still in love with me. Could be me holding onto hope in some sense, but just feels that way by talking with her and being around her. I think she feels like since she got married young (25, together when she was 22), that she hasn't had a chance to discover who she is as a person and has lost her way along the way. Multiple serious health issues in the last 6 years, her younger brother (33) whom she is close with is now into drugs, she doesn't have much family around living or even living here. I feel like maybe she is going through a MLC of some sorts. That she needs to work herself out and figure herself out. She has said more than once since BD that she needs to work on becoming a better her and healing herself and figuring herself out. So as much as I want a R, I feel like she is going to file for D either way at this point and mostly to work on herself and for me to work on myself. I honestly don't feel there is any OM in this case. Just alot of emotional thing happening throughout the years in her life. I feel like she has told me before and still feels like she is holding me back in a sense because of her medical issues and personal things. I've tried to reassure her throughout the years that she is not. I haven't been the best support system and def haven't been the person she needs to feel emotional and psychological security. So now I'm looking and trying to figure out how I can set some R goals at this point? I know this is going to take time and I'm learning to accept that each day, as hard as it is. I have been doing my own C and have felt better getting some things out there. My immediate discussions have been around this D and how to cope with that. But I have alot of childhood trauma and even issues now that I need to sort out. So looking for ideas on R goals and what those would maybe look like? Also, trying to determine where along the way it fell off the wagon. I feel like I'm a good husband in the provider sense. Have been with her throughout all the medical issues, not a lazy person at all, handy around the house and life in general, cook and clean, have a decent job (actually accepting a new job offer this week that will be even better, full remote and more pay). So I feel like maybe I fell short when it came to paying attention to her wounds that never healed at this point and never addressed those. I know she kept them inside and maybe showed me along the way she was hurting but I probably missed those cues. So how can I determine R goals and where I went wrong so I can work on that? I'm working on myself as well and becoming a better person (mentally, emotionally and physically). Just not sure on things. I feel like we may have a chance of reconnect later on (she has even mentioned this). But if we do I want to make sure that I have myself ready for that. And if not then I need to have myself in a better mindset in general for myself.
