Def been helpful in understanding and reading all of your advice on here. So a bit of a update from last night. Went out to dinner with another friend that is actually kind of in the same boat. He is getting divorced eventually. They are together for the kids right now. Dont sleep in the same room or anything. Both agree to stay together until the kids get old enough to understand things more. Interesting take but someone I could talk with as he was told years/months ago and confirmed from his W that she doesnt want to have a future together.
Probably broke many of Sandi's rules last night but let the conversation go where it may. It didnt break me this time like it has in the past as I feel like each day is getting better.
Well after dinner last night, came home and She started talking about our dogs. I shifted conversation over to her S17 and how he was doing since they had a talk. She said he is doing okay and will be fine and starting to understand. His main concern, rightfully so, is his mom being okay. Conversations moved to lawyers. I told her my lawyer was willing to do the paperwork for half of what hers was and she said she already put a deposit down. She asked why I was holding up the paperwork and not pursuing things and moving it along. I told her "look, I just need some time to process and deal with this and everything that is going on around me". I told her that I dont plan on making her stay with me and dont want someone married to me that doesnt want to be. She finally proceeded to cry (first time I've seen her cry this much since all of this went down). I told her I was sorry for the pain I caused throughout the years and not being there to understand and see the hurt that I was causing our relationship. That I never meant for it to get this far and was blindsided by all of this and she has had time to process and there are alot of moving parts with the house being sold now and a new job offer Im looking at and the D. I told her that it takes 2 though to make or break a relationship and that it was on both of us and she never showed me that she was holding onto old pain from things I said and she always gave me the impression that things were fine between us with the way we acted. but looking back I realize we were fine on the outside but still hurting on the inside. That there was a lack of communication between us and that is the #1 cause of relationships to fail. I told her I own up to what I did and realize I cant change that no matter how many apologies but wanted to apologize for the role that I played in where we are at today in this point in time. I never meant for us to be here and realize what I have done to get to this point but also that it was her decision to walk away from us. I acknowledge her decision to leave, even if thats what I don't want. But I also know that I dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me. I have to work on me and becoming a better me. I am doing that through therapy and lots of self reflection and realizing the areas I need to improve. We both agreed that therapy has help each of us and was long overdue for each of us. It was an emotional night and just let the conversation roll where it may lead. She talked some but more crying and agreeing with things I was saying. one of our dogs was with us so it was a good distraction for sure. After awhile of talking I asked the dog if he wanted to go to bed and we got up to leave and she followed. Stood in the hallway watching the dog before I came back upstairs and her still teary eyed. I messed up and asked if she wanted a hug (since I know she is emotional and her love language is touch). She said no thank you. I said I understand and took the dog and went to bed.
Woke up this morning and got my workout in. Felt great. Showered and shave and threw some clothes on. Wore some new jeans and some new cologne. Got a knock on the bedroom door from her asking if she can help her older dog downstairs. Told her of course. Came down stairs a little later and she was feeding the dogs. I was waiting on her to get done so I could throw laundry in that is in the same room. She walked by and said I smell nice. Told her thank you and that she looked nice and she said thank you. After the one dog was done eating she helped him outside, He cant walk much anymore. When my dog was done eating i took him out. She was out there with her dog (older one). I told her if she wanted to go eat I could grab the dogs. She is always in a rush in the morning. so she walked by and asked why I had jeans on since it will be 80 today. Told her that they were new and I was breaking them in some and also had an appt today. She went inside and was eating when I brought the dogs back in. I went to the living room which is in the same area as the eat in kitchen, to turn the TV on for the dogs. She asked me how much weight I loss. I told her 12 pounds in the last week (she isnt a fan of skinny guys lol). She said thats good and asked if I was working out still. Told her yes I was and do it in the morning now since I feel better that way and kind of sets my day. COnversation dropped from there. When she left she walked by, looked at me and said Have a great day! I told her thanks and I will and for her to have a great Friday as well!!
So Im sure I broke alot of the rules and never wanted to but felt like conversation was flowing and something got to her last night and she finally looked me in the eyes during conversation and that she realizes that I am going to be okay. This wont break me permanently, only temporarily!!
