Thanks, DnJ (and Rockon for "liking" the advice). Yes, in the past, I've politely asked W that we discuss marital topics outside of work hours. Often we would sit together or be together running errands, laying in bed reading or watching TV together, and nothing would come up. Then, in the middle of work, I'd get a call or an email involving a criticism, an anxious follow-up/reminder, or (4 years ago) heading for D-related issues. I needed the boundary because these things were derailing my work day and, though my marriage is more important, it felt unfair to be surprise-attacked. Thanks, also, Thornton, for the additional reminder. All responses are helpful.
DnJ I agree about trying to avoid being painted as the target/source of all these issues. Hard not to speak up for oneself, but I'm continuing to offer empathy and validation.
