Did the flowers work? No. So do less of that kind of stuff.
Noted here. Not sure how much I should even consider looking at doing. Im just trying to pull back some here and let her lead and see how it goes.
Originally Posted by DnJ
As you said, this is only one week old. Realize, this is a marathon, not a sprint. The timeline for your efforts to bear fruit will likely be measured in months. Dig for patience.
Understood. So does it make sense to go ahead with the dissolution she wants and is pushing for? or do I try to hang and drag this out some to see if any DB methods work? Don't want to push her and her sort of pull back. Lawyers of course seem to think we should go ahead and get it done since she is being more than reasonable on our dissolution wants.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Yes. Yet, not in a mean way. Be kind and cordial. Treat her like a roommate.
Interesting enough. Last night she came up and hung out with me and my daughter for a little bit. my 25D seems to think its weird that I dont talk with the W since when we told her that we all agreed to be a family in some sort of manner and that there was a possibility of us still seeing each other. Who knows if that will actually happen.
Well W came up this morning from her staying in the basement now (moved all of her stuff out of the master to the basement last night and sleeping on the couch now). She seemed cheery. She asked if I worked out since I seemed upbeat. Told her I did. She asked me if I had anything I wanted to talk about. I told her nothing comes to mind right now (not trying to talk about the R right now as much as its killing me not to!). She asked if I went to counseling yesterday (it was the one I was trying to get her to come and do it as a couples one of course she didnt show up). I told her I did go. She asked how it was nd if I felt better since going. Told her it was great and that it was overdue. I asked about her therapy session on Tuesday. She said it went great and she actually didnt cry this time and was alot easier to talk since she wasnt. She has another one next week and I have one tomorrow. She asked why I was hanging around this morning and havent left for work. Told her I had an appt to go to. She asked if it was counseling or lawyer. So told her it was a lawyer. And it was in the direction she heads every day for work. She said I should be fine to leave by a certain time. So she was leaving and said I hope you have a great day today. I told her the same and hope she has a great day as well!
Originally Posted by DnJ
Going dark is not some tactic to win her back. Going dark is for you. It’s a tool to reclaim your self, clear your mind, and help with finding detachment.
Detachment is your first milestone on your journey. It is the single best thing you can do for yourself right now. Detachment is when your emotions are no longer uncontrollably dragged around by W’s words and/or behaviour. The key here is the uncontrollably part. Once achieved, you will still hurt and feel - unlike indifference which comes later, yet you will be able to exert an influence upon your emotions.
Still learning and working on this. Feels good each day. Slow process and trying to understand it all. She wants us to sit down with her 17S tonight to tell him together like we did my 25D. I told her I would be there when she gets home with him (he doesnt live with us, lives with his dad). Feel like the dark is somewhat confusing. Like she comes off cordial and inviting in conversations and initiates it. 25D thinks I should talk to her like its not a big deal and life goes on. Just hurtful at this time knowing whats coming down the line. im just trying to focus on myself and getting myself straight though right now and not even sure what that looks like honestly. for years its been about her and making sure she is happy and have put myself on the back burner. So just trying to process and understand and move slowly at this point. more watching from behind the scenes instead of being on the mic. What I dont know if this will backfire or if its doing everything I should be doing. She is a very emotional W and always wanting physical touch (her love language). So just hard because part of me wants to push that and connect through that.
