Antidepressant Crisis?

[Valeska19]

I don't know why I was concerned; she saw me busily running around and asked what I was doing so I said, "cleaning the back office to make it more amenable to work there". She said, "I can dig it." So she understands.

Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself here.

I'm still working with only what I've learned here on these forums (no book yet) but have been trying to be as calm and detached as possible yet kind in my demeanor. I have no interest in arguing, asking questions, making any threats, etc.

Great! The stronger you can stick to this - the better you will feel. Chaos drains the soul.

Right after the BD we were talking about how we loved each other and she did mention, "I know you will do anything to get me back".

Lest she think I'm going to sit around pouting and waiting, she will soon see I'm seriously taking steps to live the next phase of my life with or without her along.

TBH - any change you do at first will make her think you are doing it for her. That train of thought keeps her able to justify her actions. Pick the things YOU want to change about yourself and stick to it. Don't waiver.

Time + Consistency = Changes she can believe in.
You will start feeling more confident thus choosing your happiness more and more... and possibly derail her train.

Since we have adult kids we've always visited together, that dynamic will change of course, especially if either of us have new partners. I doubt she's thought about this, for what it's worth.

You can change it now if you want and see them by yourself.

Of course I realize at some point she may wake up and decide "what was I thinking" so if it comes to that we'll talk. I need to research this phase in case it happens.

This won't happen for awhile. Again this is a marathon not a sprint. better to keep your research on how to work the 180s and Sandi's rules for the time being. She might have any reaction from niceness to spewing venom. There are posts here that can advise how to handle all of that.

Sometimes I wonder what her family is going to say when they find out; they've always been big fans of how I've treated her as a husband and how I've fathered our kids.

Prepare yourself for them choosing their daughter. That doesn't mean they don't respect you or will treat you badly. My inlaws actually thanked me for loving their daughter well... but the relationship will change between you and them.