how do you know what works since this is only a week old.
As an example:
Originally Posted by dleague
the flowers were a drop and she didnt even care or say anything.
Did the flowers work? No. So do less of that kind of stuff.
Divorce Busting is a discipline. A rational purposeful focused approach to oneself and one’s situation. Mostly focused on self, as that is what one can control.
As you said, this is only one week old. Realize, this is a marathon, not a sprint. The timeline for your efforts to bear fruit will likely be measured in months. Dig for patience.
Originally Posted by dleague
So going dark/dim here and not speaking to her unless she initiates it?
Yes. Yet, not in a mean way. Be kind and cordial. Treat her like a roommate.
Originally Posted by dleague
I have the feeling that since she is so stubborn and decisive that she has moved past that point and if I do go dark it’s not going to matter for her.
Going dark is not some tactic to win her back. Going dark is for you. It’s a tool to reclaim your self, clear your mind, and help with finding detachment.
Detachment is your first milestone on your journey. It is the single best thing you can do for yourself right now. Detachment is when your emotions are no longer uncontrollably dragged around by W’s words and/or behaviour. The key here is the uncontrollably part. Once achieved, you will still hurt and feel - unlike indifference which comes later, yet you will be able to exert an influence upon your emotions.
You are the most important person in this equation. First and foremost, you save you. And doing so, gives you your best chance at saving your marriage.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
