Antidepressant Crisis?

[Sunflyer]

Hi buck1. Sorry you find yourself in this situation.

I want to emphasize Pattnee's advice, as it is all relevant. I don't do most of my work at home, unlike you, but I do a bit of it there. I conduct that and any other things I want/need to do in a separate space from my wife. If you can move your work into your man cave, do it. You shouldn't be the first thing she sees when she comes in the door. Do not do things for her unless she specifically asks and even then, pause and consider what she is asking for. If she is asking you to solve a problem (she's had a flat tire, lost a license plate--that one actually happened to my wife--car broke down, etc.), you are busy and she will need to get help herself. (Most everyday problems can be solved without you helping her and if she really wants to leave you, she will have to learn to solve them herself anyway).

She is undoubtedly confused about things. Unless there is domestic violence, substance abuse, etc., most spouses who leave a marriage seem to feel something is missing from their life. They may or may not fully know what it is, but they have become convinced that you are the reason they don't have it. They seem to be disillusioned about their life up to this point. They look ahead and think, "There has to be more than this," when, previously, "this" seemed to be enough for them. Her statement that you are no longer the man she needs jumps out as particularly relevant, since it suggests that at some level she recognizes that she has underlying unhappiness with her own life that she is projecting onto you.

Consider that she says things like:

I was no longer the man she needed
I'm unable to connect to her emotionally the way she needs
It's because of certain aspects of my personality she can no longer live with
She says I can't change and doesn't want me to
She stated no interest in trying to work things out

And at the same time:

She still loves me deeply
I asked if saying I was not her "soul mate" was accurate, and she said she said that was "too harsh" of a statement

It is hard to understand how that first group of thoughts and the second both coexist in the same brain.

Also, as DnJ said, if she is making her own decisions about changing medication regimens without a doctor's advice, that is not a good way forward.

Hang in there. It's not an easy road ahead. But if you look at your own life and what matters to YOU, and concentrate on that, you will be better equipped to handle the storm.