H EW possibly DBing and I’m losing the battle

[Sunflyer]

Sorry to hear about this. Believe me, there are many times when I want to just tell my W why her current mindset is completely at odds with mine, or the way she used to act. I have a whole speech prepared. I have run it over in my head many times, and sometimes when she’s not around I even practice delivering it.

But I never do. The reason I don’t is exactly what you’ve been told here. It won’t do any good and is likely to make things worse. Back before BD, before I knew W wanted out of the M but I knew she was hurting, I wrote a heartfelt letter to her. I poured out what I felt about her. You know where that got me? Nowhere. D was filed one month later.

If your H behaves nicely toward you, realize that he is playing a role. He is trying to keep the peace or cake eat, or both. My W does the same. She says that she respects me and acts nicely to my face but will then turn around and say nasty things about me behind my back to her parents. I have no confirmation that she is having an affair, but she very well may be.

Of course, she is playing a role with her parents too, that of the victim. And so is your H. Notice how your H tried to turn all of the blame back onto you? Said it was all your fault? He easily identifies your flaws but ignores his own, which are just as significant.

The advice you have been given is good. Move forward with yourself and for yourself. It is hard, hard, hard, but it is the only way.