Not experiencing the comfort of simple intimacy just [censored]! After a hard day, or even a good one, being able to hold a hand, drop your head on a shoulder, or just put a hand on one another once in bead for the night can leave you feeling quite lonely. I hope you're able to self-soothe other ways for now. I know getting my medication dosage right helped a TON with similar feelings. I still miss these forms of connection but don't dwell on it as long as I used to.
I also appreciate how cathartic it might be to throw out a snarky or comment or two. I've nearly bit through my tongue at times when I'm being criticized, disrespected, or blamed for something that wasn't my responsibility. Often I'll ask myself what my ultimate intent is or what positive outcome I expect saying something or responding will lead. Often my intent is to be vengeful, one-up my partner, or get defensive in ways that no longer matter for us/me. Only you can decide if unleashing your comments is worth whatever they'll achieve - maybe in your case it is worth it. Either way, I was happy to see your confidence in achieving peace one day. Keep putting in the effort and you surely will.
