I appreciate the nudge SteveLW. MWD's guidance and interpretations on this forum serve as the main framework for me. The others I only use for "boutique" guidance or insight (in lieu of having a spouse who is engaging in discussion on any topic). Stan Tatkin's books are especially good at understanding people with avoidant attachment tendencies and complement MWD's approach for me. Loving Someone with Anxiety is a GREAT book for anyone in this situation and includes discussions about establishing boundaries (when verbally abused by a partner) and how to balance being supportive with overly accommodating behaviors like not attending larger, family or friend events.
I'm glad to hear I'm in good company in terms of navigating this a 2nd time around. I picked up some upgrades for my home gym that I'm looking forward to trying tomorrow, am seeing some family earlier in the day, and possibly meeting 1-or 2 of my oldest friends for a beer or two. I'm doing well but am concerned about how long our daughter is sitting in limbo, wondering if the D is going to happen. Given she overhead the initial discussion weeks ago, she knows that the ball is in W's court. She heard me repeat something my DB coach told me a few years ago to my W: "I remain willing to work on this and love and respect you enough to let go if that is what you choose to do". I'm trying to help our daughter also GAL and remember 1) none of this is her fault and 2) all she can control is herself. She continues to do well in sports, school, etc., and is taking more initiative to engage in fun with friends. Still, as a parent (and many of you can relate I'm sure), I worry I'm not doing enough.
