TBH - I'm not sure how you are projecting a strong and stable man at the moment. It seems to be that the pain of this is still close to surface. It is not my intention to beat you up over this, just an observation.
Letting go is hard work. For some - they can do it after 6 months. For others - it can take years.
You are handling the feedback well. I think us vets just don't like seeing others suffer as long as we did. Part of the scars that comes from going through the fire.
Keep on keeping on.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
I need to make the right changes permanent for me, not to manipulate W back into the marriage and not to “attract” in a flashy way, another woman. I don’t actually know if I will want to move beyond single again.
I think I need to focus on my priorities now which includes great friendships of both sexes. But not necessarily with dating or marriage as a goal. Yes I do theoretically want to restore my M but I’m not attracted to W or the R she and I have or what that M became.
Yes certainly the pain is very much there and anger definitely has surfaced and is strong. I generally am not getting bogged down with either however but instead I am building resolve not to go back to how it was or is.
Rock if the vets here can see and read you so clearly the woman you spent more than half your life can see and read you 100 times better. She’s not coming back to the life she left behind. Where are you with going back to work?
Thank you Steve. I have an interview for another great sounding job today. This job would start right away. The offer I plan to accept but that job doesn’t start right away so both would be fine.
I haven’t jettisoned the bike dream but it’s sure on the back burner at the moment with some more prominent priorities. Yet it’s a symbol that represents something just for me and quality wonder and excitement- not the flashy dopamine hit, adrenaline kind (though dopamine, adrenaline testosterone are all good) - but rather investment in my and what I want in life.
I have been looking but I don’t have the money to spend there today.
