Second roller coaster ride (part 3)

[Pattnee5]

Hi Card
So sorry to read this and that you’re feeling angry. Can you punch it out for a while? A pillow helps 😂😉. I absolutely went to town on a big European pillow on my H side of the bed in those early days when little things like this would anger me. Especially late at night. The dog would then get all excited thinking it’s playtime and end up making me laugh. I am not sure what would work for you but remember that anger feeling is temporary. It will pass. You just have to embrace it, let it out and it will go. Maybe journal the feelings? I used to make so many “notes” in my phone in those times of anger. I still have them and too scared to read them. I think I’ll just delete them soon.

I think when we are in this situation you hear more people going through it. Especially when you start scrolling. There certainly is a lot more people in the 40+ going through it. I know so many people when I tell them what’s happened tell me their friends are the same. It’s really quite rubbish these days. Life gets a bit tougher and people get going. Never really happened in my parents or grandparents day and boy have they faced some serious life challenges. It’s sad really.

So back to the anger and the honey jar. I think it’s all part of the “dropping the rope” and “detaching”. Soon you won’t care and it won’t anger you like it does now. I read a great great article about a month ago by “hearts blessings”. I think someone had posted something on these boards of hers and then I googled her name and this whole page of amazing articles came up. She wrote an amazing one on emotional detaching and dropping the rope.
It put a lot of things in perspective for me. It talks about “locking away” those emotions towards your spouse and literally becoming almost numb and immune to your spouses actions. It doesn’t mean those feelings you had have been erased you have just locked them away and works well in those times of anger and these situations where they suck us in. And while you know you love them you don’t feel it you just shelve it for now and stops you trying to “fix them”.
Not dropping that rope just puts you second and you continue to put them first. At some point that just gets exhausting and you gotta stop putting yourself last. If you want some good articles to read google it.( don’t think I can post it by rules) people have posted her snippets maybe she used to be on this forum I don’t know. It’s a bit god focused too and I am not religious at all but away from that she has some very very insightful advice as someone who went through a MLC partner and also had one herself. The detachment article really helped me explaining about how detachment works how it feels and how it protects us from further hurt, so we can start to heal and become whole again. It also talks about the spouses and why they start to turn back toward you when you detach( I have seen some very small signs in my situation)

You know she did the honey for a reaction right? Or just to be a b(insert word here).
I would have just gone out and bought the most fanciest coolest looking honey jar, one she would be envious of, put it smack bang on display and just rubbed it into her face next time she is around by boasting about it. That’s just me though now, and I feel like I’ve had enough of being nice and falling for H bait anymore. I would also just be present when she’s there to take the last of her things, change the locks, spruce up your new space and start to own Cards new domain. And put that darn thing you hate out on the porch for her or donate it to charity. Better still cover it in honey 😁