Way Less Lost!! Pt 4

[Pattnee5]

I’m so sorry to hear Card and Sun!
Nothing against Italians but I am not Italian 😂i never wanted to give up on this marriage and never sweep issues under the rug. I always face things head on and to me family is everything and so is working through the problems and challenges of life and relationships. I think I look at my family and our upbringing was tough, tight with money a lot, but my parents had each others backs and while they may have had arguments they worked through and tackled problems in a very healthy way. You fight you vent you calm down you come back together and communicate and work through it. Communication is everything.My H unfortunately never spoke his issues, comes from an environment where while his parents are still together they never fought, never even as much as argued in front of them as kids, and seem to have a relationship where the father rules the roost the mother is basically a slave and has no say. Very sad. H was never like that until MLC crept in. He always spoke his mind and issues.Started bottling up, avoiding, burying his issues and now exploded. I look back and can see this all started around 12 months before BD right around the time of the job stress and promotion. He couldn’t cope with the job and didn’t want to be a failure and the family is the collateral damage.
Avoidance and sweeping things under the rug is never good for any relationship. I’m sorry both your W have done what my H has also done. I just think at some point they will live in their world of pain and turmoil and guilt, while us LBS have done a lot of self work and self growth thanks to DB and the many vets advise. And we will walk away happier and healthier having seen this as our finest hour ( as Kind and DnJ keep saying). I am starting to see that now. That feeling of “our finest hour” is starting to fall into places This may just be my finest hour how I have stood, how I have maturely handled this compared to his erratic ness. How I have done so much self growth while he sinks. I am not the one who gave up and ran away he was( and deep down he knows it). Forever he will live with the knowledge that I was prepared to throw 100% into fixing issues and working through our bad patch and he was prepared to give 0% and run away. To me, that’s a win for me as a human and as a person with values. Our R is nowhere near as bad as he has twisted it in his head to be and I know that. The MLC brain is a really sad state of mind unfortunately.
I think we just have to keep moving forward one step at a time and we will be ok 😁