Way Less Lost!! Pt 4

[Pattnee5]

I keep telling STBXH he needs to tell the kids about his “move”. He keeps procrastinating. Supposedly leaving in November but keeps saying “visa not finalised yet blah blah”
I have been very firm this week that it needs to be done asap so they have time to process and I need to be in front to make sure he doesn’t throw me under the bus making our it’s a mutual decision. I am solely there to support the kids. He’s such an idiot he’s accepted this company transfer without even confirming the salary 🤦🏼‍♀️

Anyway I am finding myself more and more detaching. My little bout of emotions last week over the hurtful words are long gone. I had a good chat to a family friend who really helped me, along with some very true words on here. I certainly don’t believe the “resent your body” comments anymore , it’s pure jealousy and very low self esteem.

I’ve had a great few days/weekend. I’m spending a lot of the time removing myself from XH when he’s around the house seeing the kids( I usually go out)
D had a massive weekend of professional sport watching the LA kings ice hockey in town, plus a massive prelim final watching our favourite Aussie rules football team make the grand final. This week there’s a huge amount of adrenaline and buzz about.

I was originally going to just stay home with my family and watch the game but my high school friends are going to a pub to watch it. I haven’t seen them since the split so I was a bit hesitant to go but this weekend decided I needed to be around fun people in a fun environment and these guys are certainly going to fill my heart with love and fun.

I am finally finding ME again. Not mum me, or wife me, but ME. It’s really actually quite amazing to realise how much of yourself you lost due to someone in your life who really was a reclusive angry mood killer. I am loving my weekends so much more just doing ME stuff.

I saw a good line in a book I just finished reading( just a fiction book not any self help or anything)

“ if you only shine the light on all your flaws, all your perfects will dim”
It really made me think and see that is what XH did. That, and the biggest relationship killer of all “avoidance”

I’ve booked my tattoo in for the end of October. My new beginning begins. Finalising legalities soon and have started decluttering some stuff over the weekend. My bday is coming up in just over a week too and the weather is warming up. Here’s hoping our football wins the grand final on the weekend and it will make my absolute year

I hope you are all having a Great week too