Bike

[Rockon]

These are dependent children with disabilities

[Ready2Change]

These are not attractive traits to women.

Especially at your age.

I get it that you have some core issues to address. We all do. Either you face your fear or let fear control you.

Whats your biggest fear (I am not looking for an answer, just for you to think about)? Face it head on. Slay the dragon. Then face the next smaller dragon and slay it. It should be easier. Keep killing each one. Your dragons are different than mine, but you got to keep killing them or them become big and overwhelming.

regards,

R2C

[Rockon]

Ok maybe I need a reminder of tough questions to face and answer.

I am not aware of her having retained a lawyer but right at BD, she took money from our shared account, as well as money her mom had given to both of us from the sale of her house as appreciation for our help with the move. And at that time and since she has told me many things she could and is considering doing to take money and assets from me. She talked about spousal support right away. And has brought up selling the house often.

[Rockon]

Thank you Ready. Yes I am facing these fears.

[JosephS]

These are dependent children with disabilities

May wanna check with one of these lawyers you’ve seen. Not many states, (I couldn’t find one) will order child support for an adult child with a disability unless their parents are divorced.

[Rockon]

Ok will check it out

[Rockon]

Joseph it is worth it you are right. And I can do hard things. I always have. And I think I am probably at that moment that you have been getting me ready for yes. I need you guys more now.

Ok W has emailed back saying “… we need to come up with a fair amount of rent for you to pay so that I also have the opportunity to live in a place that I choose. You are choosing to live there with the costs that a house that size incurs…. I am unable to subsidize the mortgage as well as give money for son. My preference would be to give money for our son….. All of these agreements need to be legalized and have expiry dates.”

I will seek further legal advice and at this time I read willingness from her to contribute towards S’s support which is good - not so much on the house.

I am thinking about taking care of the house on my own if necessary and preparing to buy her out when I can. And asking what amount she is able to contribute to S’s support.

Here is my idea of responding to her email. Haven’t yet. Input is most welcome.

“I understand you would prefer to give money for S. What are you willing to contribute at this time? You have expenses and want to have the money to choose where you want to live I get that.

I feel the need to keep our house specifically for S’s needs. I recognize that at some time we may need to sell it.

There is a mortgage payment coming up. I have funded that today. I have considered your proposal and for the time being I propose that I cover my half of the mortgage and house expenses supported half our rental income. I wonder if you want to you use funds from our emergency fund to supplement your contribution if you are unable to afford the full amount. I am interested to hear your thoughts.”

This is (censored) hard.

[DnJ]

Hello Rock

Sent W the email with my breakdown and proposal that we split 50:50 matrimonial home costs minus rental income (also split 50:50). And I requested child support and specified the amount I would be entitled to. I did not request alimony at this time.

Ok W has emailed back saying “… we need to come up with a fair amount of rent for you to pay so that I also have the opportunity to live in a place that I choose. You are choosing to live there with the costs that a house that size incurs…. I am unable to subsidize the mortgage as well as give money for son. My preference would be to give money for our son….. All of these agreements need to be legalized and have expiry dates.”

A fair rent amount has nothing to do with where she wants to live. A fair rent amount is based upon condition of the house and the market it is within.

She said she will not pay both half of mortgage and child support. Never even got to alimony discussion and she’s backing away financially.

I hope you do see how she is placing your son’s care and the mortgage at odds with each other. And then manipulating you into choosing which for her to graciously pay. Preference being son, is specific and designed to pull your heartstrings and well up feelings of guilt.

She makes first child support payment tomorrow.

Did she make it? Or did she have a change of heart?

It sounds like she is looking to legalize the arrangements. And her push of expiry date is just that - pushing you. Let that date pass by, and do not sign anything without seeing your lawyer.

I will seek further legal advice and at this time I read willingness from her to contribute towards S’s support which is good - not so much on the house.

I am thinking about taking care of the house on my own if necessary and preparing to buy her out when I can. And asking what amount she is able to contribute to S’s support.

Depending on the equity/asset ratio of the home, you may consider negotiating that her signing over the house releases her from alimony.

My advice, do not sent that email. It’s more of the same. You basically said the same thing to her just yesterday.

Let your lawyer look over your’s and her finances and situation. Liabilities and assets. Let your lawyer draft up the fair agreement. If the agreement is ok with you, then let the lawyer forward it.

I think you are about to dig a financial/legal hole you may have difficultly in extracting yourself from. When found in such a position the wisest thing to first do - put down the shovel.

D

[Rockon]

Thank you D. Will not send that email.

Let me regroup here and think out loud a bit:

I think my action right now is to be responsible for myself and son and take care of my side of the street. While upholding my legal end of things as well.

1. Cover the mortgage and house expenses.
2. Focus as I have been on taking care of myself. Get back to work. Put down the shovel and tighten my personal financial belt for some upcoming challenges.
3. Talk to L about details and matters important to me and S for a fair agreement. Does anyone here have experience with mediation that you can share with me?

To clarify, D, I expect my immediate financial hardship to improve upon returning to work (I know that is not guaranteed but it is priority for me and I have confidence I will be successful) and therefore I see the concept of any alimony coming in my direction to be a very short term concept.

[JosephS]

Rock I’ll reply more tonight, works busy as all get up today.

Stop contacting her about this stuff. She’s made it clear for the last year how she feels with her actions. She thinks you’re a weak man who won’t stand up for yourself, it’s time to prove her wrong.

I’ll elaborate more this evening but you gotta starting moving forward. It’s time someone sticks up for you sir and that someone has to be you.