So sorry to read of the situation you are in. And it is very difficult to deal with when they are still at home.
The drinking behavior is very common for Male MLC'ers. My EXH is 4 years in and still drinking heavily too.
Originally Posted by Love4Him
It blows my mind every day thinking about it, how they go to such great lengths to protect themselves from casting blame onto themselves for what they are going through. It is beyond sad to see it when all they have to do is take a good hard look inside.
He's running like the rest of our men/women going through this. Running and not looking back. That inner pain must be so horrendous, more than us LBS's could ever imagine. If they could just bring themselves to stop and think for a bit to look at this from a rational point of view. Go to therapy, really dig into themselves and emerge a new person, fight those inner demons and cast them out. But that would be too hard... too painful, too much to bear.... so they take the easy way out, blame everyone else, mainly us, and leave us in the dust, beaten down and bleeding. And they just walk on... This thing has Satan written all over it.
They are no longer serving God, it's the other guy for now.
And that's the thing..they can't and won't look inside, not until they decide for themselves to do something about it. And some of them never do. If you read my story my EXH took steps but to everytime fall back again into his MLC habits. Also much to do with the terrible decisions they make whilst in MLC. I truly hope this won't be the case for your H, otherwise it will be even more difficult to fight them.
Good of you to filter all your emotions here. This forum was a life saver for me and I learned here to really move forward with my life and my wonderful kids.
You are spot on. The depressive inducing affects from alcohol amplify the depression of the crisis. Drinking is such a commonplace running behaviour for these hurt and lost souls.
Originally Posted by Love4Him
He's running like the rest of our men/women going through this. Running and not looking back. That inner pain must be so horrendous, more than us LBS's could ever imagine.
Absolutely. Such a horrendous torment to drive and consume them.
Originally Posted by Love4Him
If they could just bring themselves to stop and think for a bit to look at this from a rational point of view. Go to therapy, really dig into themselves and emerge a new person, fight those inner demons and cast them out.
If they could, they wouldn’t be in a crisis.
It’s so very sad that as a youngster these folks were hurt so traumatically it stunted their emotional growth. They just do not have the coping mechanisms in their toolbox.
Originally Posted by Love4Him
Last week I walked into my daughter's room and she was busy getting his ears pierced! Excuse me?! He had them pierced back in the day but they had mostly closed up. Now he has 3 studs up one ear and 2 up the other. Wow! Wonder what that young old man is going to do next....
Tattoos and piercings are some of the usual adornments for the MLCer teenager. Still, probably quite the shock to see H getting his ears pierced. Wow indeed.
You have received some wise and hard-earned advice from the posters. Do establish boundaries to the disrespectful and hurtful drunk behaviour.
Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
And that's the thing..they can't and won't look inside, not until they decide for themselves to do something about it. And some of them never do. If you read my story my EXH took steps but to everytime fall back again into his MLC habits. Also much to do with the terrible decisions they make whilst in MLC. I truly hope this won't be the case for your H, otherwise it will be even more difficult to fight them.
Good of you to filter all your emotions here. This forum was a life saver for me and I learned here to really move forward with my life and my wonderful kids.
Take care xxx
Eagle, I’m so sorry to hear this I have read snippets of your story early on. Alcohol is the absolute destroyer of a MlC. I think unless they go zero alcohol until they work on themselves they will forever cycle back to old habits and coping mechanisms. I am seeing it now with my XH. He just can’t and won’t give it up and is “proud” to say he can now go a few days without a drink. Defeats the purpose when you consume about a weeks worth in that one day after you got off it temporarily. They always talk in AA about the fog lifting. It can take weeks. It takes many failed attempts. Some just can’t do it. It really is a sad state of mind and some addictive personalities just don’t have the determination or drive
M:41 H:48 T:20. M:16.5 BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023
