...this is simply one step and breath at a time and one day at a time in complete, complete darkness. Some days I see light. Some days I am engulfed in darkness. Some days I see hope and some days it is hopelessness.
Yes, one day at a time. Sometimes even one hour at a time. (((Hugs)))
When all is dark, and seems lost, just breathe. You know brighter days are your trend.
Originally Posted by Samoy
QUESTION: Not sure why he was and is confused I left after he filed for and pursued the divorce. I am not sure as that perspective confuses me. Why is he confused and hurt that I left?
XH felt that a divorce would take away his pain and torment. It doesn't. In fact, getting that signed piece of paper, is another loss to grieve.
Any change has associated losses which one grieves. Even positive changes has loss. For example, my retirement, a most positive life change had losses with it. Loss of routine, loss of certainty, loss of income, and so on. Of course, new routine, freedom, and a different income stream were there. Still, a little time to let go the familiar and embrace the new.
XH's shiny new life did not fix his projected problems. If he is not looking to the actual cause, he will not find actual resolution. MLCers are so driven by their emotions that they believe them; even as those same feelings ping pong about. XH believed his life change would make it all better. It's just part of the misguided running behaviors.
One of the worst curses is to actually get what you wish for. Satisfaction and appreciation, comes from striving to achieve and being content with what you have, rather than effortlessly getting it.
Also, XH likely expected you to remain stationary. To sit there right on the shelf. To pine for him, and be his Plan B. You weren't. That threw yet another wrench into his narrative and predictions.
No matter what XH does, no matter where he runs to, there he is. And all his baggage and torment comes along. His divorce didn't lessen his pile, it added to it.
If you notice, your leaving (or staying) has nothing to do with XH's confusion and hurt. We LBS just aren't that powerful. No one is. No one can control someone else's emotions. Folks are responsible for how they feel. XH's hurts come from within himself.
Of course people and events can and do trigger and influence feelings. And feelings are fleeting. So, after a time, and with the removal of initiating event, continuing to feel a certain way indicates one is reenforcing it.
Originally Posted by Samoy
Right now, I am fighting for me. And that is a fight in all aspects of my crumbled world. I am building back stronger, in God's name.
Right on! Amen!
As you put yourself and your world back together, do look carefully at the pieces. Strengthen that which serves. Craft that which you aspire to. And discard or alter that which does not serve.
Crumbled, shattered, is a golden opportunity to heal and become. A golden opportunity most folks never find, and even fewer embrace.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
