Keep the focus on you and what you need to survive. As for his family, he will eventually get tired of them trying to pull him back into their vortex. However, it will take some time for that to happen.
I completely understand how you feel, i.e., no one truly there to give you a room, to listen and just give you a hug and some space to grieve. Most people don't know what to say or how to help you when you are in this situation. That is why many of them distance themselves for a while. Just keep looking in that mirror and tell yourself each and every day that you are a strong person and you will survive this. When the dust settles, you will know who your true friends are and they will be the ones that you want to continue to associate with. As for the others, write them off and move on.
Let me tell you just a wee bit about my divorce. My xh left and became a very angry man when I met with a lawyer at my xh's request to get the separation papers prepared. When the separation papers were ready for him to review and sign, he became a very angry man. He became spiteful and did everything he could to destroy me mentally, emotionally and financially. When he saw that I wasn't going to play that game of back and forth on little issues and I directed my lawyer to cease all work until he and his lawyer came to their senses, that is when he did the actual filing for divorce. It took 2 1/2 years for the divorce to go through and he was still an angry man after we were divorced. Over the years, he has calmed down and last year he posted to me that he realized that he ruined the marriage and should not have walked out. Well, too little, too late. I moved on with my life and I'm living it to the fullest.
As for your h's confusion and hurt...somewhere in the back of his mind, he really did not want a divorce. However, clarity will not come for a while. By the time he wakes up, you may have opted to just move on and not reconcile. That will be your decision, not his.
For now, continue moving forward. Give it all to God and allow him to work on him. You can't do a thing about your h at the moment. Lots of space and allow him to continue to hit the brick wall until he realizes that what he was looking for was right there in front of him all of the time. Home is where the heart is.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
