Thank you, P. I agree with everything you say. Alcohol, if abused, can do so much evil, turn loved ones into monsters we don't recognize.

H has had a problem with alcohol since before we even met. He used to drink beer exclusively, and he can drink a lot of it! But he was never a mean or abusive drinker just highly annoying, and he would never miss work the next day or anything like that.
Alcohol and depression (like MLC) do not get along well, those two together are trouble. Alcohol is a depressant so mix that with, well, depression and you get a double whammy. For H it opens a door within and all ugly gets unleashed.
Inhibitions are lowered while intoxicated so things come out that would not come out while being sober.
H never apologizes for anything the next morning, he either doesn't remember or he's too ashamed. He acts like nothing ever happened at all. Really weird.
Like your H he is his normal self when sober. Not loving though, I wouldn't go that far. He's kind when in a decent mood but generally somewhat cold.

It is definitely a fact that nothing we could ever do will have any effect on the outcome of this. We can make the ride a little smoother by being non-reactive (very hard to do without turning yourself into a doormat) but from what I have witnessed it does not make a difference in the way they handle things right now. They are all about THEMSELVES and what THEY want, period. If we stand in the way we just get tossed aside. They have no concern for us right now, not at all.

I know it's not ideal to have him living at home, I think I would like it if he wasn't, it would take the pressure off and give me more room to breathe and concentrate on what I have to do for myself and my kids. I could ask him to leave but he most likely wouldn't, and there is nothing I could do about that because the house belongs to his family. We do pay the mortgage and the home will go to the 3 children, H and his two siblings. We would, or H would have to buy them out if both his dad and mom were to pass in the near future. That is hopefully a long time away. But yes, that is the situation. H and his dad had a pow-wow about the will last year, H is the oldest so he will be in charge. He recently said to me "blood only" like I was some kind of gold digger or something. I don't want a dime and he knows that I'm not like that, at least he should.

Gotta cut this short, didn't realize what time it was and I do have to pick up my granddaughter.
Talk to you soon.