Me proposing to as that we work together on our financial responsibilities and priorities sounds to me like engaging in R talks but it’s not specifically about where our R is going but rather necessary actions.
R talks:
What is a relationship in these contexts? Husband and wife you once were in very much more than name. Intimate relationship. Respectful relationship. Trusting relationship.
Husband and wife, a marriage, is much about partnering to accomplish more than either can do on their own. Each brings their skills and resources and soul, and the sum is more than the parts.
Having a discussion of how “we” are going to work together on “our” financial responsibilities and priorities is very much a R talk. You are trying to summate resources to make more than the individual parts. W’s financial responsibilities and priorities are not your’s to define.
Originally Posted by Rockon
How do I stay out of the R talk realm in this?
You simply stay out of it.
Leave her path to her.
Let her do the heavy lifting towards whatever end she feels she is after. And if she is dropping her portion of what should be shared financial obligations. If she is not stepping up adequately. If you need financial protection and/or security, get it.
You can only control you. Necessary actions, your necessary actions will come from you. W’s will come from her. If she, or you, are not doing your share, the courts will set forth and enforce what necessary actions and obligations each person has.
An amicable agreement is usually better than some court imposed agreement. Realize, there is no “we” in a separation agreement. You look after you and your part. W looks after her and her part. To keep R talks out of it, let your lawyer deal with her and her lawyer.
There are two paths, emotional/healing and business. This is just business, so keep it as such.
As business it’s pretty straightforward one makes $x and one makes $y, and the joint expenses are $z. Allocate accordingly, following local laws and guidelines. Lawyers are really good impartial experts one should listen to.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
