Way Less Lost!! Pt 4

[Pattnee5]

Thanks card you are more a vet than you think. So he floated the idea in July after a “fight” never bought it up again. When I brought up the separation two weeks ago and pushed to finalise the legalities and sell etc he “knee jerked” and decided to take the job opportunity in another country. He’s in too deep now. He accepted the same night after I dropped my mini bomb, they have applied for visas and even backfilled his position so he will be gone within 6 weeks. Said he decided that same night and they were pursuing him from months but he only held off in “hope his feeling would change and he would want to stay”. He then proceeded to make the comment about “resenting me and my body and looks at me and resents it for all the times I ever withheld sex( most likely because he had been gaming for hours then stumbled to bed drunk) so yeah he decided to just throw in a bit of emotional woman bashing too. Mind you I am really fit and 42 and he’s 6 years older, Grey, dad bod from way too much alcohol and stress, introvert and now a recluse. He is punching so far above his weight that I just let comments slide now they mean nothing
Hence my mood and emotions the last few days
His message earlier today about something he mentioned this job and his exact words were “ I can’t/won’t back out of this professional opportunity now” . So yes before Christmas, gone. Do I regret my decision to instigate it or speed it up? A little but then again not really. He hasn’t lived his reality he has chosen. I more feel hurt I wasn’t enough for him to fight. I’ve detached from H but you’re right now I have to detach in a whole new way of being the abandoned single mum indefinitely and that does make my life difficult. There won’t be “breathers” for when I just need a day to regroup, all parenting decisions fall on me, every little drama, boyfriends, high school, learning to drive, learning to shave and be a man for S12. It’s slightly overwhelming but I’ll be ok.

I am actually handling it all really well( other than the now feeling abandoned and not worthy but I have some good techniques with my Ic for that which really help and have done a lot of grounding work too)
I am still
Keeping my life full, social events, friends over, doing stuff with the kids.
It’s very fulfilling and keeping my moods high.
It’s funny I don’t often think of H anymore during the day, and sometimes if he messages I just sit in it, there’s no longer that longing or pining. I think too much damage is done to switch that back on.
My lawyer thinks it’s nuts H is leaving to another country and said he hasn’t really seen it happen in his 20+ years of family law. It must be rare. Hopefully anyone else whose H is fleeing overseas gets something out of my battle. The sooner he goes and hits his barrel bottom the better. This man cannot move here. He is absolutely completely stuck
Anyway I am feeling good againZ. Sometimes we just need a little cry and a cuddle