H EW possibly DBing and I’m losing the battle

[KangaB]

After a night’s sleep, I’ve decided that I’m going to do nothing with the evidence. I realise that saying something to H will push him further away. I will continue with my DBing and wait it out. I’m confident in seeing that the phone calls have lessened, and lessened in duration that maybe the DBing is working because I haven’t nagged H about XW for a weeks and weeks now. The contact between him and her has been without any of my meddling. What is happening between them is of their own accord. I still feel betrayed and today, I can’t stop tearing up.

H is still accusing me of having an affair by sending ridiculous texts. I’m confident that H is projecting and the guilt is getting to him. He will never admit to anything if I push for it. H will tell me in his own time when he is back in the marriage.

Yesterday, I wanted to expose him and his lies but I kept reading the posts here, looking for the posts that apply the DB principles of not exposing affairs. I came to my senses as what good is it going to do with someone like H, who has suffered from guilt and shame and low self esteem most of his life and finds it difficult to be honest with himself.

At the moment, I’m keeping my distance from H and when I do need to communicate, I validate him (as much as he is ranting—he just wants to he heard and feel right). I made an effort this morning to let H know that I’m not going to fight with him anymore, I’m not going to try and change him in any way and I’m not going to leave him and that I love him. I will now get on with my day and continue to stay dark, set boundaries and try to have the best day to look after me.

Kanga