Second roller coaster ride (part 3)

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One other thing that’s helped me detach even easier: A couple weeks ago, I mentioned a friend who was in a R with a clinical narcissist. 5 years together, had a kid. Luckily he figured out what was happening and had the guts to leave. He seemed to project his sitch onto mine, saying my W is a narcissist. I truly dont think she is. She was just unhappy, not manipulative. But I have spent some time reading and watching vids about. I found a youtuber who focuses on men suffering from an R with a narcissist. Some of her vide are about being the R, some about coparenting after a split, etc. Her tips for how to deal with a narcissist after a split can be copied for any DB sitch where detachment is the goal. Using stock responses, only communicating over text/email, only reaponding when necessary, taking time to respond, never reacting emotionally (taking the bait). She also talks about viewing the narcissist for what they are: someone with a mental illness. Not all WAS have mental illness, but they are mostly acting irrationally, emotionally. Thinking of them as someone who is not well does make it easier to detach, in my opinion. It has certainly helped me.

She also had a tip that might help someone in an extreme situation, maybe if someone’s WAS is being verbally abusive. Give them a nickname that you only repeat to yourself. “Cruella Deville”, or something. She even suggested viewing them as an inanimate object, like dust spec. She doesnt mean it in a cruel way. After all it’s just for you, not to share with friends, kids, etx. Something to help emotionally distance yourself, to give you your own power back.

Interesting stuff