Everything in their "old life", the now, is viewed as negative and the reason for them feeling the way that they do. That's why they want to get away from it/us. We are the problem, that's why so many of them start running and desperately trying to find "relief".

I have asked myself the same question, feeling guilty for wanting H to feel what I'm feeling.

I've had issues with abandonment since I was a little girl when my dad left my mom for a much younger lady who told him to not have any contact with me (7 years old at the time) because she did not want to deal with me and have him all to herself. Problem? Yeah, he listened to HER alright.
He totally ignored me for years, and I had always been a daddy's girl until then.
I've healed and made peace with that and forgave him for doing what he did, but that's where my abandonment issues are rooted. And now that H is acting the way that he is, all of that is coming back to me, and it hurts like hell.

You ARE enough, P., and H hopefully wakes up to that obscured reality of his one day. Deep, deep inside of him he knows that.

They are unable to feel the love and affection that they have for us right now but it does not mean that it isn't there. It's just buried deep inside underneath all of what they are feeling about themselves. It's too much for them.

This kind of explains the ILYBINILWY so many of us have heard. They are not lying, that is their reality for right now while they are in this mess of emotions.

I remember when H first bomb dropped me in 2010. He was pacing the floor when he said those words, kept saying "I'm just not feeling it!". He seemed to try and understand why but, like I said, it was his reality at the time so he merely reacted to that.
What would WE do if we did not feel the love for H anymore??

I so want to unleash all of that anger and hurt as well, let him have it all, but you know what?
It will only drain us and it won't make a difference at all, they have built a wall around them and those words from us are only going to hit the wall and not them. I've had a taste of that when there were moments where I just could not help but vent at him. It did not penetrate at all, it only left me feeling even more frustrated, so I don't even go there anymore.
I interact with him as if everything was normal. He even cracks jokes like he always has, and I laugh with him. Crazy? Yes. But it keeps the peace around here, none of us need the added stress.

Let H be the child that he is right now. He has to grow up on his own.

Hang in there, P.