To be clear, it’s not that we accept disrespectful behaviour, we just more shrug and move on. After all, we can only control ourselves. And with growth, detachment, understanding, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness; behaviours and words which once cut to the bone, no longer sting.
I'm in my second DB process. D#1 was 9 years ago, and I was lucky to find this message board. In hindsight, the most shocking thing was how little I cared when I eventually confirmed OM. I suspected it for the first few months. It was my biggest fear in life. Left by your W for OM. The insecurity that can drum up in a man is unreal. But months after BD, I had a light bulb moment. I'd cried and agonized enough. In one split second, I was suddenly over W. I never had a moment of hesitation to move on with my life at that point. A few weeks later, OM was confirmed to me. First by xW's best friend, then by xW. A confessional of sorts. It had the emotional impact of finding out she bought a new pair of shoes. I truly did not care. It was almost nice to confirm my suspicions.
Everyone has their own journey. Pack, maybe you will need to live with that boundary for a long time or forever. But don't give up on the idea of permanently forgiving it. I can't even give advice for how to get there, because I just did. You can't just "forgive" and be done with something that personally destructive. You have to truly feel it. But if you ever wrestle with the idea of fully forgiving, try to be pro-forgiveness for your own sake. It's an unbelievable weight off of your shoulders if you can truly let go.
Congrats on all of your progress. It sounds like your story is one for the DB history books, even with the story still being written.
Also, I, too, miss Sandi. She was there for me in 2014. I'm so glad much of her wisdom is pinned at the top of the board.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
