To me, it appears that XH is testing you. Pushing your boundaries and your buttons, seeing if he can win. Remember, don’t play his game.
XH knows you want your stuff. He knows he’s suppose to give it back. He know it’s your stuff. That’s evident with his spur of the moment call to again to try to get your address. A not so subtle guise of him trying to getting his way.
Do as you are. Do not beg, ask, or plead. XH knows what he is to do. Further telling him or asking him (from you) will not be helpful. Decide on your timeline, and once expired turn this over to the authorities to regain your property.
Originally Posted by Samoy
Would the ow still be in place at this point? If so, I am confused do they stay around in reconnecting. When do they go away?
The path of a MLCer is a confusing one.
Commonly if the AP is still in the picture then the MLCer is still within the replay stage. The MLCer can certainly peek out of their tunnel, even for extended times, then dash back in again. And the opposite, they can peek back to replay from the other side too.
Until their final acceptance and settling, their path is still prompted by their emotional state. Granted, becoming less so as they deal with their trauma(s) and depression.
An OW (or OM) is a band-aid, a symptom of the crisis. Some of these lost soul never do find their way back. They hang on to their AP, and just get too old and tired to run anymore. They don’t exit their crisis, they just resign themselves to their life/fate/existence.
Running behaviour and confusion are hallmarks of a crisis. Along with the ever present depression. The presence of, or of not, a OW is not the all-telling indicator of XH’s stage. Is he behaving / acting like a teenager? Is he confused? Forgetful? Does he show remorse? Has he indicated deep depression? Is he withdrawn from life? Is he running? Is he trying to escape? Is he responsible and accountable? Is he open and honest?
I don’t expect answers by the way. There are plenty of variables and factors, most of which we know very little about. Our (ex)spouse does keeps their inner self pretty well hidden. A more long term view of demonstrated behaviours can yield clues of their path. It’s odd, we discover more when not looking for it.
Keep moving forward, have healthily boundaries, and focus upon you and your life. Live, love, and laugh. Enjoy your wonderful life. Remember, it’s XH that needs to catch up to you.
XH did return. He pushed hard, once. However, it appears he slid back. Until he can be the man you want and deserve, let him be. Give XH to God. Let Him work with and upon XH.
Hope you’re having a fantastic day Samoy.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
