I'm back! (4)

[Terapin]

You didn’t really answer my question (of course you don’t have to):

Have you explored buying her out?

It is a lot to figure out. Have you got some counselling, financial advice in place?

So no, it's simply not possible to buy her out.

[Rockon]

Ok

[Terapin]

Started packing and moving some stuff out of the house.

A realtor came last week and suggested we 'declutter'. He did a market analysis, and the listing price he'd use is enough to pay off our consolidation loan, and leave about $30,000 a piece 'profit'.

We've been fixing some stuff around the house. W has rented a storage unit and has been moving her stuff out. It's so difficult packing, taking down pictures, etc. 8 years ago at this time we were moving in. It was one of the happiest times of my life. Decades of hard work to finally get the dream house. Ugh.

At least our son seems to be handling it ok. He hasn't said much, except a few comments about how he's going to miss his friends in the neighborhood.

W is still getting texts from friends and coworkers telling her how strong and courageous she is, along with the typical 'you go girl!', 'you do you', and 'your happiness is all that matters!'. It makes me sick. But ya, I guess you have to be pretty strong to walk out on and destroy your family.

[Ready2Change]

W is still getting texts from friends and coworkers telling her how strong and courageous she is, along with the typical 'you go girl!', 'you do you', and 'your happiness is all that matters!'. It makes me sick. But ya, I guess you have to be pretty strong to walk out on and destroy your family.

Your goal is to walk away stronger and happier. You can not control other people, but you can control how you respond to them.

[Terapin]

I feel bad for even posting here anymore since this is a forum to save marriages.

Went to a mutual friends party today. W was invited too, but she said she would feel too uncomfortable being there. Son didn't want to come w/ me cause there were no kids there, but instead he sat at home and did nothing (while W packed).

Whatever. I just want it to be over. Aside from still physically wanting her, I coudlnt' care less about her anymore.

[Pattnee5]

I am a bit like you T with regard ti feeling like a DB failure and feeling bad for posting.Similar stories and timeframes. My H MLC alcohol etc. I think we have to remember the rest of our stories haven’t been written. Who knows what our future holds down the track with our spouses. Sometimes we have to let them really fall in order for them to fix themselves( if they fix themselves)
I don’t think we need to feel bad. We have proven what DB is also about which is about helping ourselves and us getting stronger as the LBS. It may not always save our current marriage but as many say, that was dead long before BD. I still believe in hope and fresh starts even with our spouses and I still believe we can be the lighthouse. Of course we still want them, of course we wished this never happened of course we still love them, heck I still love my H even through the bad times like now. But they fired us. I think this is the detachment now. I too feel like I “ couldn’t care less”. I feel the same way. All I can say is Alcohol destroys so many things and they just live in that fog
Keep enjoying Terapin time

[Sunflyer]

We have proven what DB is also about which is about helping ourselves and us getting stronger as the LBS. It may not always save our current marriage but as many say, that was dead long before BD. I still believe in hope and fresh starts even with our spouses and I still believe we can be the lighthouse. Of course we still want them, of course we wished this never happened of course we still love them, heck I still love my H even through the bad times like now. But they fired us. I think this is the detachment now. I too feel like I “ couldn’t care less”. I feel the same way. All I can say is Alcohol destroys so many things and they just live in that fog
Keep enjoying Terapin time

Agree. DB has two meanings, as I see it. Save your marriage or save yourself. You benefit either way.

[Terapin]

Hi folks. It's been about a week, so just checking in. House should be going on the market next week. Should have been this week, but naturally our central AC went down and needed fixed. Ugh

Last Saturday I met a few friends out. Most were our mutual couples that W and I hung out with. We were at a large bar, and despite having 0 interest in women now, I decided to have a little fun and run some old 'game'. It was all goofy innocent conversation stuff. I left with 3 phone numbers. Again, I have no interest, but my friends were egging me on, and it felt good to know that I could still do it.

So I've been doing well, although I had a dream last night about W hooking up w/ someone, and for whatever reason I keep thinking about it.

Oh, son had a football game yesterday afternoon. I got there and sat with my parents. W got there about 20 minutes later, and came and sat next to me/us. Was a little weird, especially since my parents didn't say a single word to her the whole time.

[Pattnee5]

You know what T, you had a great night out with friends and had some fun and even a confidence boost. That’s a win to me, even if you are in no way ready to date. I think the self esteem boost alone is awesome. I feel these WAS utterly destroy our self confidence at BD and continue to do so repeatedly with their behaviour. So boosting your self esteem and having a bit of flirtatious fun is absolutely wonderful. I am a bit like you I couldn’t even think of another man right now. I don’t even think I could flirt. But the boost one day I know will do me the world of good

[Boat14]

We were at a large bar, and despite having 0 interest in women now, I decided to have a little fun and run some old 'game'. It was all goofy innocent conversation stuff. I left with 3 phone numbers. Again, I have no interest, but my friends were egging me on, and it felt good to know that I could still do it.

This is why the dating scene is a mess right now. Everyone is seeking validation to make themselves feel better. These women will become angry and take it out on other men. The cycle continues and the mess gets bigger. Innocent fun? think again.