Way Less Lost!! Pt 4

[Pattnee5]

It really is a strange concept to think that a 48 year old brain and mentality can one day just suddenly switch back to that of a 17 year old.That they can walk around and function and work normally talk normally but then also have this split personality. I really do wonder why it happens.Childhood? Emotional immaturity? His parents are still together but a very strange relationship whereby he never saw them fight or yell or disagree. The dad ruled the roost the mother was a typical housewife and his slave basically. Once their kids hit an age of 23 they were out the door to find their own feet. I would have thought 20 years in my family environment surrounded by love and where family is everything ( we are of European background and family is everything).

Oh well there’s no point trying to psychoanalyse the whole situation. I am more shocked than anything. Angry, sad yes but keeping that in check really well.
If H is going to be a 17 year old I really don’t want 3 kids. Two is enough.

I think if my lesson for anyone here is that I had a clinging boomerang. My H since BD 9 months ago has done nothing but coast through this reality, coming and going and playing dad when he wants and then going away to his space to drink and game. It was almost like he ticked boxes with the kids of errands and household chores. He never gave them fun and experiences. It really was just a daily chore.
For me, I realised if I didn’t pull the pin and instigate this separation properly, instigate selling the house and moving our seperate ways so my life doesn’t stay stagnant, H would have just lived this limbo reality for years. I realised I needed to do this so that he can live HIS choices. Live the reality HE chose, so he can hopefully hit rock bottom get his rubbish together and hopefully pick himself back up. And in true MLC form, when I did what he hasn’t been able to do for so many months, he stamps his foot like a sissy teenage girl and says “ I’m taking a job overseas”
A small part of me feels guilty that I did that, that I instigated his running away and the collateral damage to the kids. I just hope I made the right call. I feel I did. I’m not taking responsibility for his actions that I do know.