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[DnJ]

Good Morning Rock

I am sorry your D’s situation came to police action. Sounds like she is taking control in getting a lawyer and going for full custody of granddaughter.

This situation has brought W and I together to rally to D’s cause and family needs. D has mostly been talking to me but she did reach out to W last night.

Focus on supporting D. This does not require you and W. Just rally yourself for your daughter. As you said, D has been mostly talking to you, not W.

Was the rallying of you and W together by your initiation or W’s?

While W and I were talking about D, W told me that this has been a really hard year for W. She said, “It’s been a hard 10 years, but it’s been a really hard year.” I listened. She went on to say that what has happened between her and eldest S (disconnection and him disapproving of her) has been so incredibly hard. I STFU and validated her emotional state.

Let W lay in the bed she made.

So, the last year has been really hard for her. Harder than the previous “hard” decade. Ok. Now, get yourself out of W’s way. Let her feel the loss and the repercussions of her decisions. You were fired from being her emotional support person.

By the way, W’s “It’s been a hard 10 years, but…”: She still has to get in a dig, blame you, and justify her decision. And she’s using what comes after “but” to justify her decision. Remove yourself from that equation. You cannot control how she writes her equation out, all you can do is ensure you and your interactions are limited. Very limited. Eventually, she will realize that hmmm maybe Rock ain’t the problem.

Also: “While W and I were talking about D, W told me that this has been a really hard year for [her]”. A good response from you would’ve been to return the conversation to your daughter and her situation and what support you are going to do. (Again, I’d have not likely brought W into this. D is an adult, she can let her Mom know.) Something like, “W, I’m sorry your year has been difficult. We are discussing daughter’s situation. Let’s get back on track.”

I need to put some thought into how to approach this in a logical wise way and myself not be manipulative. I want to remained focused on my path and to be fair and responsible.

A good approach is to heed your lawyer’s advice. If/when you need to seek protection/security treat this as a business deal gone bad.

D