I do not have income at this time. I am hopeful I will be able to return to work soon at least on a partial basis. I likely qualify for pro bono legal aid and will explore. I have been working on my home, at my parents place, and for some friends. So I have brought in some money and have contributed that to our shared family expenses.
I have some limited savings that I can draw on as well. L today said that in my present situation I would be entitled to spousal support and child support. He recommended however that I have a conversation with W and state that I do not want to make things expensive and adversarial (I certainly don’t). And he suggested I propose that I discuss contributing some funds from my savings to our shared expenses in the goal of not setting off a scorched earth slugfest with W.
L suggested that I voice to W in conversation: our financial picture is bleak at present, and it’s in our best interests to cooperate as much as we are able.
L today said that in my present situation I would be entitled to spousal support and child support.
Marriages where the woman out earns the man are 70% more likely to end in divorce. My guess with you being entitled to both alimony and child support she will use manipulation to try to get you to not agree to it. She has more to lose than you so use it to your advantage.
I need to put some thought into how to approach this in a logical wise way and myself not be manipulative. I want to remained focused on my path and to be fair and responsible.
You get the best deal you can for yourself. You protect the family assets. If she has a change of heart in the future, than you can merge assets again.
Step back, look at your sitch as if you were giving advise to a coworker. That is the logic side. You remove your emotional side from the decision process.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Looking at protecting family assets and the best deal for myself right now, I am contemplating further separating our finances: contribute 50:50 to mortgage and then be solely responsible for my household expenses for S and I and keep those private from her.
I don’t want to sell the house or trigger court battles.
I don’t want to sell the house or trigger court battles.
You want to be nice even though she’s not? YOU CAN’T NICE HER BACK. She doesn’t care Rock. The ship has sailed. Your marriage is done. Finished. Over.
You should take every cent you’re entitled to. If you don’t, I guarantee you’ll regret it.
If roles were reversed and you earned the higher income, this manipulative woman would be taking you for everything.
Come on Rock, wake up and smell the roses.
And R2C is totally right. If you get a good deal for financial separation and end up back together on 5 years (no idea why you’d want to) then you can always recombine finances then.
You need to protect your future. Be smart. What happens if you try to be the nice guy again, you get less than you’re entitled to, and then you find you can’t get back to work after all?
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I want … to be fair and responsible.
This sounds to me like you’re still trying to convince us and her you’re a good person.
Are you here to listen to advice and move on with your life, or seek out validation?
Rock you need to put your emotions aside. Treat this strictly as a business deal ONLY. Your only focus is to get the best deal for you and your S to secure YOUR future and only your future. Your W isn’t going to fall for you if you just roll over on this one. There’s no “nice guy” here. You need to be blunt brutal and go after what you’re entitled to Trust me as a woman i would find that far more attractive than someone who is prepared to roll over and be weak. Women like authority and strength and someone who can stand. It doesn’t make your future any better if you give her everything and you’re left with nothing you will just resent her, and she will know if she ever comes back she can just walk all over you again.
I have already decided in my asset splitting should H and I ever reconcile I will never be merging finances again and will continue to keep my financial autonomy. When I go down a path where I am doing a business deal for my children ( like I am currently in) I am protecting those assets from anyone and everyone now and in the future. As a LBS too, you need to flip your script and stop taking her feelings her thoughts and her wants into any of your decisions anymore
M:41 H:48 T:20. M:16.5 BD: 15/12/22 -moved out 17/3/2023
