New on here, struggling!

[Pattnee5]

DNJ, Kind and R2C are true lifesavers. Iolieta I know you feel lost, like you want to reach out. Kind is so right, he needs to crawl through his mess alone. To be honest I wish my STBXH left dark from day 1, maybe we would have been better off now, maybe he would have hit rock bottom sooner. The “clinging boomerang” is the worst kind. Constant contact will drive you absolutely nuts.
I never knew about a MLC until I jumped on here. These “almost 50” kind are not much fun.
Keep doing you, keep finding you. I have thoroughly enjoyed learning about just being me, minus the H.
And I completely agree with just a full blown makeover and wardrobe.time to change it up and step outside youe comfort zone and get some looks and stares and boost your confidence

[Iolieta]

Thanks all. I can't find anything on the 'friend zone' but I've read quite a few success stories where being the best friend and supporter seems to have been key to reconciliation. In other literature I've read this also seems to be the case - that the love can grow back once interactions are positive (particularly '5 languages of love' - can't decide if that one is real wisdom or claptrap, want to try out the theories!!).

[Kind18]

Friend zone is not a positive thing.

It’s when you are afraid, a peacekeeper and allow your spouse to live a double life.

For example, it happens when someone is in an active affair, but the LBS is so desperate to save the marriage they are happy to get along and be best friends with their ex in the hope that their staying power will be valued and lead to reconciliation.

You can’t be best friends with your ex.

Imagine a scenario where they are free to blow up a marriage or have an affair or have sleepovers with someone else, and yet have the security that they can come and go as they please or keep living under the same roof as friends. It essentially gives them a golden ticket to continue their affair/MLC/madness while having all the benefits of a husband/wife to pick up the pieces and fall back to if it all turns to mess.

It’s important not to end up in the friend zone. You need to make it clear during your divorce that you’re happy to try and reconcile, but that if you don’t, you’ll be going your own separate ways.

Friend zone is a bad place to be in. Many end up there because they’re too afraid to enforce reasonable boundaries or set a reasonable standard on how they wish to be treated.

[Ready2Change]

I can't find anything on the 'friend zone' but I've read quite a few success stories where being the best friend and supporter seems to have been key to reconciliation. In other literature I've read this also seems to be the case - that the love can grow back once interactions are positive (particularly '5 languages of love' - can't decide if that one is real wisdom or claptrap, want to try out the theories!!).

You are in the "friend zone" when your love interest is having sex with some else and not you. You are in the friend zone when you are still doing favors, ignoring bad behaviors, interacting with them more than you are with other people etc.

Do you want a friend or a lover? I interact with my lady way different than anyone else.

I strongly suggest that you (everyone here) learn some seduction skills. I view seduction as indirect attraction. Pulling away when you want to pursue is one of those skills.