Way Less Lost!! Pt 4

[Pattnee5]

Keep going, keep doing everything you are doing & continue to work on and create the life you want for you with nothing or no one holding you back. Sending hugs, you did good.

Thanks MA I love this and definitely my motto moving forward with everything. I felt like a bit of a failure getting teary during our conversation but that was only because H was teary too. I definitely could have done it more by DB standards but it’s a very surreal time like the end of an era I never expected to end, with someone I saw myself growing old with, my “Noah from the notebook 😂” ( until he fired me). He kept asking if my family hated him etc. I just said he shouldn’t worry about what everyone thinks. What I really wanted to say but bit my tongue was, “yes you are walking out on their grandkids and they now have to step up and fill your parental duties and help me” but I didn’t. I am not sure if that will eventually be said. Maybe, maybe not. I don’t really feel a lot right now. No anger, nothing. Sadness that I couldn’t save him maybe, sadness for the state he is in. But very much feeling very grounded in myself too. I haven’t really cried other than a bit teary. Nothing like the last 9 months. It’s like there’s no tears left. I still love him so deeply, despite how broken he is, it’s bad to even say but I even forgive him for all of this ( not that I would tell him) I am just too forgiving. But I love me way more right now and that’s all that matters and is the most important thing in this world is me and those kids, and I am not letting H ever make me feel like I’m not worthy of anything anymore.

My kids are 12 and 14. They are surrounded by so much love from my family my parents my brother and his wife. We all live within a few minute walk so I certainly have my village around me.

It’s funny MA to see our similar situations and how two MLC men are choosing such similar paths and exhibiting such similar behaviours( although mine isn’t begging or trying to get me back at all)
MLC [censored] and it’s so real and I am forwarding all my friends. One friend is going through it herself right now and about to BD her H and family and run away( my situation hasn’t deterred her at all)

Anyway I am good I am smiling and laughing despite the deeper heartache of losing my soulmate. I know I am far too good of a woman to not be loved respected and worth the fight