I’m am going to answer your questions. I really had to think about them and what you’ve written. I never thought I was manipulative but I’ve been thinking things over a lot and I realise a lot of my communication has been nagging (even thought I talk lowly, it’s still nagging), reacting and probably thinking I’m setting boundaries but actually doing so to punish. Without meaning to. I just haven’t really got the hang of looking after myself and putting my needs first and being nice about it. Like you all say here—that seems counter-intuitive. Oh this is making me squirm but I’m set on cleaning up my side.
Your answers:
Turning off the phone? Blocking his texts for the night? What prevents you from doing so? Why are his needs more important than you be spoken to w/ respect?
I don’t turn off my phone as it’s my main source of communication between my elderly parents and me. I have not had the guts to block texts actually because of the reaction I think I MAY get. I’m being really honest here and it’s uncomfortable to recognise this, and I suppose it’s been such a habit to put his needs first—growing up in a Patriarchal family situation. I tend to lose myself in worshipping a man when I’ve fallen. Mimicking a trait that I see in my mother. It doesn’t get her anywhere neither.
Oh boy, I’m trying though. I must admit I’m slightly enjoying the shift in dynamic as I’m setting my new boundaries, even though they are supposed to be for me. I feel 1/1000th of what I used to be like in the beginning of our courtship when I had some sass.
Kanga
Me 49 H 61 T 8yrs M 1.5yrs LAT H filed for D from XW ‘18, granted ‘19 We M ‘22 H in EA with XW (lying about contact, evidence of Affair contact) BD Aug ‘23
