While the psych community doesn’t always agree on MLC, it can nearly always be traced to unresolved childhood trauma or sudden life events which demonstrate mortality.
Quote
He's had a lot of things happen over the past year or so that haven't happened to me - his mum had a severe health scare, he was in a really nasty car accident that wasn't his fault but the person who drove out in front of him was in a coma for six weeks.
These sound like stock-standard MLC triggers right here.
Your husband is in emotional turmoil due to MLC. What he needs is some regular, intensive and intrusive therapy for 12-18 months.
What he has decided to instead is blame you for his unhappiness and blow up your marriage.
There’s NOTHING you can do to make him realise that. You can’t waltz in and tell him he’s having an MLC and to get some therapy, because that would make him feel like he’s even further away from this short term, utopian happiness he so desperately seeks.
He needs to crawl through this river of s*** on his own and realise it’s not you, and that’s going to take an absolute minimum of 2 years. But more likely 4-6 years without professional help.
Quote
I'm wondering about sending a newsy e-mail maybe once a week. Is this stupid? Should I just let well alone?
- No - Yes, very - Don’t even think about it.
The one benefit you have is that there has been a pretty clean break here. That means he’s likely to feel the weight and consequences of his decisions more heavily and sooner. It’s actually an advantage towards reconciliation if you aren’t around or interacting or communicating with this person.
Recently there’s been a few posters come through here that have talked BIG on their DB actions, but when push has come to shove, they’ve been weak as s***. They’re constantly fixing their ex’s problems, spending time, going to parties, checking in on them, comforting them, talking to their in laws … that’s a disaster and solidifies the divorce.
Absolute minimum contact and full physical separation maximises chances of them having a lightbulb realisation.
If you’re emailing every other day, how will they ever miss you?
Search the forum regarding avoiding the “friend zone”.
And talk to Ready2Change about working on your attractiveness. He’s the guru on that.
