New on here, struggling!

[Pattnee5]

Hi Iolieta
Firstly I am so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. I have been in your shoes and I know the feeling of those first few weeks or first few months even. My H ( almost 49) dropped his bomb a week before Christmas, tried to “make it work” but did nothing other than stay home and pretend everything was normal and intimate, then moved out 6 months ago and has been an absolute yo-yo of emotions and playing part time dad and husband.
It’s clear now my H is in the midst of a midlife crisis and it absolutely [censored] but it’s his crisis not mine. We have been together 20 years married for 17
I was a mess( you’re doing better than me) I broke every rule, begged, appeased his every want and need, bombarding texts and calls thinking about him constantly, crying etc.
It wasn’t until I found this forum and these people that I realised I wasn’t alone. I don’t think anyone understands unless they have walked our shoes.

The main advice I have right now is keep posting, keep seeking help on here. Don’t be scared to vent but take that advice on board. No matter how wrong it seems. I was desperate to know if everything would work out, if I would be a success, if that enormous ache and weight in my heart would go and if I would ever stop crying.
It wasn’t until I realised that I needed to detach and step right back and stop worrying about the outcome and focus on myself, did I really see that this was a great opportunity for me to do ME.
For so long I had been doing so much for H and making sure everything was done etc that I didn’t realise just how many things about my marriage I was just putting up with.
Use this time to find yourself again. We tend to lose ourselves so much when we are in a relationship. The last few months I have felt I have come through the storm and finally see blue skies, while H is still wallowing in his crisis mode(still won’t seek help but it’s not my problem)
My story is still being written. Everyone’s is. But I think the sooner you turn your focus back on yourself and start to work on your healing and finding yourself the sooner you will feel better. It took me a long time to understand that and do that. Keep reading keep posting. It’s time to rebuild yourself as a strong independent woman while your H just does his thing. And hopefully soon he will take notice, and realise that he is about to lose the best thing in his life