There are definitely people that have reconciled here. Vets can answer better than me, but I saw one recently say that as people begin to reconcile, they spend less time here, instead working with their spouse and marriage counseling. We are here because we are hurting and trying to work on our marriages with our spouses is typically not an option at the moment.
20 years is a long time, these three weeks must feel like an eternity. You’re in the first steps of a marathon, not a sprint. I’m not a vet, but I know that asking your H about his counseling will have the opposite effect you want. There is nothing worse than sitting and wondering, especially after 2 decades of intimacy and being able to just ask him those questions. I’m wondering the same thing about my W. Hoping she is going to counseling and being honest with them. But i have no control over her or that, so pursuing it will push her away, hurt any work she may be doing, and keep me attached and dragged along.
Keep posting. And keep reading the pinned threads. And keep focusing on you and your support system. I promise you’re in a great place here, and you are taking the right steps by detaching and giving space. Dont follow your instincts - “do the opposite” (George Costanza)
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
