Second roller coaster ride (2)

[Card29]

Grief recovery class: I had class #2 of 8 last night. It was strange because at the time I was riding high and felt really detached. I did not have the anxiety or stress. I almost felt bad about that. Other people in the class were bawling their eyes out about their struggles. And they have some very dark things that have happened to them. But I still have a lot of hope or this class.

Yesterday, we recapped the reading assignment, and mostly just talked about our reactions to it and what we've experienced in our own situations as it pertains to the text. We talked a lot about the unhelpful interactions from loved ones (or even "not so loved" ones). We all got a sheet with this drawing of a couple of dozen people climbing all over a tree, exhibiting various emotions. We circled which one we identify with right now, and which one we want to identify with in the future. I picked the person who looked unhappy, and was staring at a happy couple. I am very envious of friend's and family's relationships and marriages. But I know they aren't all perfect, and I feel that way because I've lost the comfort of mine. My emotions want me to be right back in a relationship, whether it's W or someone else. My logical thoughts know that's not a good idea right now (or even in near future, likely measured in years). It was good to identify what I'm feeling, why, and what I really need at the moment. My emotional extinct would have me in the "Replace the Loss" category, which is one of the missteps to recovery from grief.

Homework assignment for the week is reading the next 3 chapters, filling out a work sheet pertaining to the reading material, and then taking 1 small step towards being the "tree person" you hope to be in the future.

One interesting note that I saw on the homework assignment was this: 99% of your grief is not your fault. It's your natural reaction to a loss. But 1% is on you. We can't control the 99%, and we can't change the loss. But we can control the 1%, which is ourselves. I haven't read the text yet, so I'm guessing it will go into more detail about how this works in practice. My guess for why those numbers are like that is to absolve the griever from responsibility without making them feel helpless.