Welcome to the boards. I’m copying Cadet’s Welcome Thread below for your reference. It has many links to a wealth of useful information. I’m glad to see you’re reading DR and finding it useful.
Yes, chasing, pleading, begging, usually propels one further from their goal. H needs time and space to figure himself out.
Originally Posted by Iolieta
I feel like I need to keep myself in his mind or he'll just carry on with his plan to start over without me.
A lot of this Divorce Busting path is at first counterintuitive. What we feel is best, actually is counterproductive.
H needs to feel the loss of you. He moved out three weeks ago, let him be. Go dark or grey. Only have minimal contact, keep it to kids and bills. And only when necessary.
Minimal contact is also good for you. Finding detachment is the single best thing you can do for yourself. Detachment is when one’s emotions are no longer uncontrollably dragged by our spouse’s words and/or behaviour. You still feel, just not so out of control. And going minimal contact fosters detachment.
I see you and H have been married 16 years. What are your ages? Any kids?
I look forward to conversing with you.
DnJ
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Welcome to the board.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by Michele Weiner-Davis. The following link is the first chapter:
Once your registration to the site has been completed you can post and start a thread. Please have only one thread active at a time (per forum); it keeps your situation organized and is easier for those following along and posting to you. There are a few forums which help categorize posters’ situations.
When your thread reaches 100 posts, it will be time for you to start a new thread. It is a good idea to link your old thread to your new one, and even link the new one back to the previous one. That makes it easier for the folks following your story. (There is a help thread on linking in the sticky threads at the top section of the forum’s display.) A moderator will “close” your full thread which prevents further posting to it. It is still available to read.
Post in small frequent replies on your thread. Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity can be very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Post on other people’s thread to give support.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
