Second roller coaster ride (2)

[Card29]

I think that's where I'm leaning. Might need to detach from my good dog friend, unfortunately. I know I'll have dogs in my life in the future, but I'll hold off for now as that falls in the "replace the loss" category I just learned about in my grief class. It advises against replacing the loss until you've properly grieved.

Lately I've thought a bit about the role of social media and marriages/happiness today. There are lots of positive things on SM, but there's also so many traps, too. FB, Snap, TikTok, IG, Twitter/Z - they all have ruthlessly smart algorithms, and they aren't designed to help or improve you. They're designed to keep you engaged. They especially prey on our insecurities. How you look, how much money you have, political/societal fears, etc. If you're a happy, well-adjusted person, maybe they're nothing more than a time vampire. But for someone really struggling, like W has been for the last 13 months, I think SM is terrible. For her, I don't think it was the amount of time she spent on it (she's a busy body when stressed - she tries to work/clean/fold/sweep/shop/cook her way out of stress), but rather how vulnerable she was to it when she did get on. I'm journaling this as a "here's this thought, now let me get it out of my head and move on" since I obviously have no influence on that situation now.

For me, it's a time vampire. I'm the one who can sit down on the couch after the kids go to bed and swipe twitter, reddit and youtube for hours. Hours and hours. I steer clear of the "social" apps like IG and FB as I do find myself comparing my life to those people much more easily. I still do get a lot of it on my preferred sites, though. It is more about money and politics. Ashamed I don't make more money (I actually make decent money, but it feels like so much less now than it did 3 years ago, not to mention daycare $$$). The politics just get me pissed off. Lately I've at least been able to detach from the political stuff more. I just realize how little control I or really any of us have with it. Sure I'll still go vote, but I'm not spending time getting riled up about this or that issue. if things change for the better someday, awesome. However, I am still spending entirely too much time with mindless swiping for sports, cheap laughs, and even "educational" YT videos. Yes they're interesting and educational, but watching them for 3 hours makes none of the information stick, I go to bed late, I usually feel worse when I'm done, etc. I really need to cut back on my screen time.

Current list of self-work:

** Top priority: Proper grieving of M**
- Re-prioritizing kids after grasping after W the last few months as I felt her slip away
- Alcohol (stopped for now, no binge drinking in the future)
- Sleep habits
- Workout habits
- Building and maintaining friendships
- Less screen time