Do you want to divorce W? Part of me thinks you don't. I think you should file for divorce if you want to divorce her. If you aren't sure you want to divorce her, I think you should work on a legal separation agreement that takes care of all the finances, and then it can become a divorce if it grows into that, and if not, you have no money ties anymore to complicate matters. I think my experience will make it clear why this is my take!
If you do want to divorce, I would not start with a regular divorce lawyer. They are slimebags and want to make money off you. The one I have now is not a slimebag and even he is a little bit of a slimebag. Even the best most ethical one will stretch it out a little to make it worthwhile. I would start with a mediation place. I saw there is a place near you called Texas Divorce Mediation that has great reviews. Maybe have a call to find out more. I also saw that there are mediation clinics as some of the universities near you. You could consult with a few of these.
This stuff you posted about the money.
Remember, every penny of mortgage principal that you have paid on your own is a credit to you on top of the 50-50 split of equity.
And sorry, W, but anything that was marital property during the marriage, including her trust fund and her higher salary, is part of the total.
Sjohn, I am sorry to ask you this, but do you think that she never filed because she knows she would have to pay alimony and split this stuff with you?
A mediator would be able to tell you guys what the default decision would be if you filed for divorce in the regular way. Then both of you would understand that anything that sjohn is offering that is LESS than that is because he is so kind and good and doesn't want to have a gross battle, not because it's what he is entitled to.
Let's suppose your house was worth $400,000 on appraisal. Your mortgage is now $100,000. So you'd each be due $150,000 of equity from that house. If you choose to keep it, you owe her $150,000. But you've paid down $50,000 of principal and she has paid 0. So you only owe her $100,000 on your house.
In the meantime, she has hidden $400,000 of trust fund money while still married to you. So she owes you $200,000. So now she owes you that 100K, not vice versa.
You don't want it? OK, so put it in a trust for S and D, and they get it when they turn 25 and are ready to start their own businesses or put a downpayment on a tiny house.
You decide you'd rather have nothing of hers? I certainly get that. But I'd rather put it aside for my kids, if she is willing to agree to an actual equity split.
At minimum, you get the house and you don't get any of her stuff.
And if she makes more than you, she owes you alimony. It's a math problem, not a fairness problem. So let's say she'd have to pay you 50K of alimony over the next 5 years. You agree to take 45K off her equity instead.
All bargaining chips, and all through a mediator, and you can still say you want nothing, but it's good to know the default, and to be mature about it. Your marriage as a sacred union of two souls is one thing. But there was a financial partnership too, and you did your part. She wants out of the financial partnership, time to be mature and do it properly.
And you know I say all this as one who didn't do what I am telling you, and you know the outcome.
Huge hug to my friend.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
