Thank you sj, those words can only come from someone who is much further along in this process than I am right now. I am still very much attached and struggling to detach. This is something I really need to work on immensely. I hate getting sucked into his tornado and losing my footing.
I do need some advice today.. H had calmed down quite a bit for the past weeks and things were bearable. He must be cycling because yesterday he had the worst drunken rage that I have ever witnessed in him. I was shaken by it, it was like he was possessed by evil. There were no immediate triggers, everything was calm. He was in his man cave drinking, I saw him starting out with the usual, which is beer, then he added two different types of whiskey which he never drank before the MLC hit. It didn't take long before he came up and started yelling, cussing and throwing insults around. Luckily, my granddaughter was sound asleep and my son was in his room playing games online so he had his headset on. Every bad feeling just poured out of him in anger, apparently we were all responsible for his anguish, and of course he listed stupid things that did not mean anything. I was laying in my bed watching tv and my mouth popped open, he was so incredibly mean. Finally, I couldn't help it but started crying uncontrollably. My daughter came upstairs and H slammed the bedroom door in her face. She yelled I want to see my mom! So she rushed in and hugged me and let him have it, how much he was causing me pain and he was destroying the family because he couldn't face his own demons. She said a lot of the things that he really needs to hear but it wasn't at a time where he would be receptive to that in any way, of course. If that ever should happen.
I am leaving it up to God because I really believe He is the only one who can reach him now. I pray for him daily.
So back to my question. I am not sure how to handle this. I do know that I can't keep tolerating behavior like this, it's not healthy for anyone and I don't want the kids/granddaughter around this stuff. This morning H was acting normal as if nothing had happened. I don't know if he even remembers his episodes. I snuck out of the house and started walking to work, something I do quite often, it's only a 20 minute walk. It was nice and cool for a change, had been really hot and humid lately. Then he called me, asked where I was and why I didn't wake him up so he could take me to work. I told him I felt like walking and didn't want to wake him. So anyway, how should I handle this?? Do I sit him down for a talk? I really don't want to poke a sleeping bear. I know he's not going to like it but I feel that he needs, and I need, boundaries.
How and when should I start this conversation and how do I word things in the least provocative way possible?
