H EW possibly DBing and I’m losing the battle

[KangaB]

Hi DnJ,

Thanks so much for your reply. They never had a formal custody schedule. At the moment SD is living with her M full time and SD sees her D when she can. It used to be that H was raising the Skids full time since they were little and they would go to their M’s on weekends. SS1 and SS2 are in their 20’s now. SD still in her teens. I realise just in the last few days that H is pursuing XW much more that XW and what it used to be. She did try all sorts of tricks. Now she know she probably doesn’t have to. I think she has moved on somewhat, but is enjoying the attention. Whereas H just wants to have the contact with her outside of our marriage.

I know that I need to be cautious around XW. I don’t need to be in her life or have hers in mine believe me. I did get some closure though from the conversation which has helped me to come out of denial and realise that H is my problem. No one else is—not SIL, not anyone. And yes… Let go!! I can’t fix him. I can clean up my side of the street—I get it. I’m tired of it. I went back to old patterns and behaviours. I got lazy basically. I have been setting boundaries as stated in Cadet’s reply. Oh it’s awful—the reactions. When do the reactions stop? Once I get over my illness, I will try to GAL. I’ve got so lost in all of this.

The hardest thing is doing the 180’s, going dark and GAL when he comes back into the marriage monetarily. I get blindsided by the closeness and smacked in the head when he is gone again.

What makes them become rigorously honest with themselves? I feel like I’m being played. However, I am coming out of denial with it all and accepting that this is the way it is for now.

I screenshot pearls of wisdom from the forums and read them back. It’s so amazing to have this to depend upon to learn what to do. It’s an extremely lonely process. Hopefully I will get the gist of replying to some other posts. I feel I don’t have anything to give away at the moment.

Glad to be here.

Kanga